Soulless (Justin Bieber Love Story / Fan Fiction)

XLV

XLV.
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Song of the chapter:
Dreams by Dua Lipa
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I didn't sleep that night.

It wasn't from adrenaline or wondering about Justin's past; it was due to me wondering if I had done the right thing by letting Justin leave that afternoon. Although I felt like I was being strong in the moment, it left me feeling completely weak.

When I got to school in the morning, Anna had acted as if nothing happened the day before between us. That was usually how it went, anyways: we would fight and then forget about it the next day. It didn't feel like the healthiest way to deal with problems, but we always forgot about them.

"You look like hell." That was the first thing Anna said to me when she met me at my locker before the first bell. "You okay?"

I pressed my lips together, knowing that I couldn't cry again. Even if I wanted to cry, I didn't think I could because I had so much after Justin left. Also, people at school knew about Justin and I from Nate's party when we left together. If they saw that I was crying, I may as well have just slapped a sticker on my forehead that said "sucker."

"Yeah," I shook my head, stifling a laugh even though nothing was funny. Though I told myself I wouldn't get upset, I felt that all too familiar feeling in my stomach letting me know that it wasn't going to be that easy to remain composed. "Just not feeling good, I guess."

"Kennedy, what happened?" Anna held the door to my locker as I pretended to look for something to keep myself remotely busy. Anything to keep myself together.

Again, I shook my head. "Nothing."

"I don't believe you. Talk. Now."

I sighed, directing my attention to Anna with tears already burning in my already tired eyes. I knew she would have eventually got it out of me, so there was no use trying to hide it. "I think Justin and I are over."

Her eyes widened, but I wasn't sure why it came as a shock to her at all. He didn't last very long with anybody. I didn't know why she, or even I, thought it was different for me.

"What? Why?"

"It's my fault," I shrugged. "I mean, he's been so great and all, but I just wanted him to open up to me. So I got upset with him because he just didn't seem to care to talk to me, and then he followed me home and told me how much he did care about me. Like, genuinely care. What the fuck was that all about?"

Anna's mouth hung slightly opened from my words, just as surprised by them as I was. Hearing that Justin cared about anyone other than himself was a bit of a shocker to anybody.

"I didn't know what to say, Ann. So, I just let him leave," I blinked, trying to keep myself from getting upset. I knew it wouldn't help if I did.

"Holy shit, Ken, I'm so sorry," she rested her hand on my arm. "It's not your fault. I'd be confused as fuck if he said that to me, too. How do you know if it's true or not, you know? Like, how do you know if he hasn't said that a million times?"

I nodded, wishing she would have told me I was being silly or something so that I could go back to him and pretend nothing had ever happened between us. I almost wanted her to tell me that I was being ridiculous and that I should go find him and apologize. But she didn't. She agreed with me, which scared me even more.

"Tell me about it," I murmured.

For a moment, she was silent. It was as if she was afraid to say what she wanted to, but she finally did after staring at me unnervingly. "Do you care about him?"