Bucky Barnes' Daughter

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Bucky comforted me until I was finally ready to come inside.  He knew I didn't want to talk about the memories that always came in flashbacks.  Nat wants to know who I am but can I really offer her an insight into the hell I expierenced? Bucky doesn't need to be updated, he saw most of my worst memories first hand.

"Is everything okay?" Nat asks and Bucky shakes his head ever so slightly.  I walk past her and up to my bedroom, needing the peace and quiet to keep me sane.  Dima follows me up the stairs and even stays close to my side so I have the comofort of his presence.

"Nat there's just some things, you'll never know about Serenity."  Bucky's voice floats up to me. I pause to listen.

"She's my daughter and I can't even begin to understand her."  Nat sounds exasperated.  "She didn't even explain what had upset her, you just knew."

"Maybe because I caused most of her trauma."  Bucky argues.  "I would rather not be the one who caused her all this pain."  I had a feeling he was motioning upstairs.

"How are we going to do this Bucky?"  Nat sounded lost and for the first time, I realized she didn't know how to handle any of this.  I was lost when i found out who my parents were but Bucky and Nat are going to have a hard time with this.

Nat's always wanted to be a mother but she missed all the good years.  My first word wasn't mom or even dad.  It was my brother's name and his first word was sister.  Bucky wasn't even there when I took my first steps.  He was there the first time I killed, but he wasn't my Bucky then.

"We have to take this one day at a time."  Bucky assures her and I feel the ache in my chest grow.  That's all I could ask for them to try.  I couldn't bear to have another person give up on me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Can I ask you something?"  Nat and I were sitting at the kitchen table the next morning.

"Depends."  She offers an encouraging smile so I know she'll try her best to answer my questions.

"What...what went through your head when I said you were my mother?"  I felt the air thicken and I hold my breath waiting for a response.  Part of me didn't want to know what she thought but the other part of me wanted to know if she was happy to have me.

"I was worried at first.  I didn't think I could be a mother.  Then  I was upset that I missed out on fifteen years of your life."  I knew she meant what she was saying.  "Can I ask you about your past?"

I avoided eye contact as the lump in my throat made it hard to breath. I wanted to tell her no, that I didn't want to tell anyone about what happened, but the other part of me wanted her to know everything.

"I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about that."  I reply quietly.  "It's not that I don't trust you...it's just..."  I couldn't explain.

"Trust me, I understand."  She assures me.  "You'll tell me when you're ready."  I nodded knowing it was true.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter. I'm going to be skipping a few weeks between this chapter in the next so I thought this was a good place to start.