Bucky Barnes' Daughter

Chapter Forty

"How far does your loyalty to me go?"  I ask Ryan as we pull up to his family's farmhouse.  I needed to know before I continued with my plan.  If he tried to stop me, I might not be able to complete my goal.

"I'm not sure I should answer that."  He replies as he turns off the truck.  I knew he wasn't sure if that was something worth answering but I was going to do something drastic with or without his support.

"I need an answer."  I tell him as I turn towards him.  He studies me for several moments and I glance away, embarrassed.  SHIELD knew a lot about my past and he probably did to.  His father seemed to have access to a lot of information but that didn't mean, he knew EVERYTHING.

"You're planning on hunting him down."  It wasn't a question and judging from the look he was giving me, I wouldn't be flying to Russia by myself.  "Do you know where he is?"

"I think so." I tell him and he nods.  "So, you're going with me?"

"You're going to need someone to keep you out of trouble."  He replies as he gets out of the car.  "Please tell me you at least have a plan." 

"I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't.  I know better than to run head first into something without having some idea as to what I was going to do when I get there." 

I follow him inside as I think of how to get my plan into action.  I'm not sure SHIELD would be happy with me fleeing the nest but then again, they would receive more information from the mutant who was capable of completing this kind of brain wipe.

"Will SHIELD even allow me to go?"  I ask him as we get inside.  I knew Jason wasn't home due to the lack of noise coming from the house.  "I mean, there's so much trouble I could cause."

"Like you don't do that while you're home."  He teases.  "I'm sure Coulson will be happy to get information about this mutant.  We all want answers about what happened to you."  He leads me towards the basement.

My eyes take in the setup in the basement of their house.  The weapons were vast and showed the true intention of SHIELD to protect me, or to put me down when I finally became a problem.  

"I can get you to Russia, but from there you must show me the way."  He explains as I head over to one of the walls.  I pick up a small slender knife, wondering whose life it had ended.

Tears fell down my cheeks in two steady streams as I attempted to wipe the blood from my hands.  This wasn't the way any of this was supposed to happen.  I shouldn't have had to kill the one person who loved me.  

My eyes close as I try to forget the destruction I had caused.  He had put all his faith in me and I had watched as the light drained from his eyes.

"Are you okay?"  His voice broke through to me offering me the comfort I needed.  But the question wasn't aimed at me.

His fingers caress her cheeks gently as she leans against the wall.  Natasha was his love while I was just his ward.  He didn't care about me, no one did.

I couldn't look away as I felt my heart rip into two pieces.  

"Everything will be alright."  He promises her.  My heart yearned for his comfort.

"Serenity, come back to me."  Ryan holds my face in his hands, his eyes searching mine.

I place the knife back on it's stand, wondering why this particular item brought about such feelings.  I couldn't remember the moments following the murder but nothing before that.

I step away from Ryan as I realize just how broken my memories really were.  I have a few memory of meeting Natasha for the first time but it could be one of the many times we had been introduced.

"I don't feel so good."   He leads me back upstairs and into his father's study.   My head keeps swimming with the fragmented memories.  Everything threatens to push to the surface but only bits and pieces keep making their way to my conscious memory.

"Did you do too much today?"  Ryan asks as I lean forward and put my head between my knees.  

"I think I'm going to be sick."  The words barely came out before I started vomiting.  The doctors told me to take it easy but I thought my fast healing would kick in and I wouldn't have to 'take it easy'.

I at least managed to make it into the trash can, which made me feel a little better.

"What's going on?"  Jason's voice broke through to me as finally stop puking my guts out.  "I thought she was okay."   Concern colors his words, making me feel even worse.

"She's alive, that's all that matters right now."  Ryan moves to talk to his brother in private. I didn't catch what they said to each other, but it made Jason leave the room.

"Here take this."  He hands me a cup of water.  I willingly take it, wanting to feel even the slightest bit better.

Exhaustion takes over as I curl up on the cot.  I close my eyes wanting more than anything to sleep without nightmares, even if it was just for one night.

"Sleep, Tsarina."  Ryan whispers as he takes his place next to my bed, my guardian angel.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hello my dear readers!  Sorry for disappearing on you.  I've been super busy with an internship and a job this summer.  I'll try to post more chapters in the coming days.  I hope you enjoyed the chapter and are looking forward to what the next chapter holds. <3