Bucky Barnes' Daughter

Chapter Fifty-Six

"I don't want to do this."  I take a step back from the main entrance to the gym as Ryan goes to open the door for me.  "I can't do this."  I turn to walk away.

"Are you going to live your life like this forever?" He asks as he comes back over to me.  "Serenity, I know you don't want to do this.  But you need to take control of your life again. We're all worried about you."

"I don't need you to be worried about me.  I don't need people to take care of me.  I've always been alone and you being here and trying to understand everything that I've been through is not going to make me feel better."  Tears were falling down my cheeks.  "I don't want to relive or remember any of this.  Just let me go."  

"I'm not letting you go."  Ryan runs so he's between me and the street.  "Did you know that Peter blames himself for what happened?  If he hadn't said those things, you wouldn't have been snatched off the streets.  You would be safe."

"It wasn't his fault this happened."  I counter as I stop crying.

"And what happened wasn't your fault so stop blaming yourself."  Ryan argues as he takes a step closer to me.  I quickly move away from him.

 "Don't,"  I take a deep breath as my heart starts racing in my chest.  "Touch me."  I tell him as parts of that night start coming back to me again.  

"Let me help you."  Ryan offers me his hand as I feel my will to live slipping from my grasp.

I take his hand in mine allowing him to comfort me.  He held me gingerly as if his hands would cause me to break.  He was my guardian angle even though I didn't want his help, he stuck around.  Maybe with him by my side, I could make it through this.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The gym was entirely empty as we came into the main mat room.  We left our shoes by the door and I soundlessly made my way to the center of the room.  So many memories resonated with room like this one.

"Keep your hands up."  Winter lifts my small fists to protect my face.  "People will not hesitate to ruin that pretty face, Vera."  He reminds me as I keep running through the drills he gave me.  

"It's not like they are ever going to send me out into the fields, Winter."  I tell him as I drop my hands to my side.  I didn't see his fist coming until it connected with my face.  Pain erupted from my nose as blood trickled down my face.

"I told you to keep your hands up."  Winter has never physically hurt me before.  "Don't make me teach you this lesson twice."  He leaves me standing in the middle of the room, numb to the pain shooting through my face.

"Where did you go?" The voice wasn't one I recognized so I quickly look up.  The man looked Russian and judging by the small accent he was from back home.

"No where."  I reply not wanting to talk about the flash back to a complete stranger.

"I've seen that expression before, you went somewhere.  Was it a painful memory?"  He seemed to understand me without having to hear my response.

"I wouldn't say painful, just unwanted."  I respond.  Unknowingly i had taken a step back when he approached me.  I didn't want to back myself into a wall so I stood my ground against all my better judgments as he got extremely close.

"I'm Yuri.  I worked with Ryan while he was deployed in Afghanistan."  He offers his hand for me to shake it and I force myself to be polite.

"You're Russian?"  I ask hoping he wouldn't ask me about my past.

"Yes and so are you."  He replies as he studies my every move.  "You worked for HYDRA?"

"I was their prisoner."  I didn't mean to get defensive but I never was there of my own free will.

"For how long?"  He asks and I immediately tense up.  I don't offer an answer instead I try to focus on his movements.  However, a lack of practice over the past few months, left me completely unprepared for his next action.

The attack came out of nowhere and I attempted to rely on instinct but ended up being slammed onto the mat.  My head connects with the mat causing a throbbing pain to spread throughout my skull.

"I talked to your parents and they assured me you knew how to defend yourself."  Yuri holds me in the position for several seconds while I started to hyperventilate.  He doesn't release me until he realized I couldn't breathe.

I move away from him as fear takes over.

"I won't hurt you intentionally, Serenity."  He doesn't touch me as he talks me through my panic attack.  "Ryan will you grabs her some water?"  He finally asks after I started to slowly calm down.

Ryan leaves for a few minutes as I rest my forehead on the tops of my knees.

"Are you physically hurt?"  He asks and I shake my head.  "Have you been diagnosed with PTSD?"

"Yes."  I whisper as I try to focus on anything but the memories that were resurfacing.

"Were you worried I would hurt you?"  Yuri waited until I stopped tensing up to offer me a hand up.

"I was worried...."  I couldn't tell him the dark thoughts that I was thinking.

"I would rape you?"  He asks and I nod.  "You are safe here, Serenity.  I will teach you to be confident in a fight again and so you feel safe being out in public again.  If you start having a panic attack, try to work through it and if you can't call a time out."  He instructs me.  I nod but I don't make eye contact.

Ryan choose this moment to come back into the room.  I take the water bottle from him as i tried to shake the headache that was forming from my mind.  This wasn't going to be an easy lesson but I knew if I could do what Yuri asked, I would be okay in the end.