And She Died Again ¦✔

~21~ Contrition

  I ask not favors, 

But forgiveness
Strength to say
I am truly sorry
For the harm
I have done to you
I will not live
In peace knowing
What I have caused
By word spoken
Can not be undone,
And last a lifetime.

~Contrition "Dan Duna"

Cecil Pepperman cried. Many nights she cried herself to sleep, sometimes she wouldn't cry but still found her pillow damp somehow. She'd left Woodwave some months back with her family, hoping she could ease the pain she felt but she only came back more troubled than she ever was. And she began asking herself if she'd been wrong in the decisions she'd made. Jimford was more withdrawn than he'd ever been, and it was like a replay of those times she'd regretted ever getting married to him. 

  In Spindow–the town they had moved to–he was very loving and even Courtney started warming up to him. They'd visited places, went skating and had more family dinners than they ever did when Ali was alive. But that was what Cecil wanted, wasn't it? She wanted to bring her family back together, mend the broken frames, and put out every old flame of pain they'd come into contact with.

  And after so many months of grieving Ali's death and losing Bill, she'd began to forget. She forgot all the pain and concentrated on her family. Jimford was open and kind, he helped when he'd to. Courtney accepted that life had to go on with or without Ali. And they became the loving family Cecil had wanted, they became inseparable, they were always there for each other.    

  But like all good things, their happiness and gaiety didn't last because Jim started getting worked up. He stayed out late and never seemed to care about either of them. Cecil had confronted him once about how distant he'd been lately and he'd tried to hit her—but didn't. 

  He'd apologized, and made a remorse-filled dash, out of the house. Cecil had forgiven him then, because he was like he'd explained—worked up. But then he tried to hit her again, this time because she'd asked were he was getting all that money he'd been inanely spending.

  She knew his work didn't pay much and she was really getting uncomfortable with how he quickly sprung up from the gutters and became this rich. He wasn't exactly poor but he wasn't very rich either so Cecil was very suspicious. Not that she found any problem with been flooded with servants, but anyone in her shoes would ask questions, and she'd done than just that. Jim got so riled up that he didn't sleep in their luxurious house for days.    

  She'd to lie to Court that he was on a business trip, she knew Court was too smart for that excuse but still had to come up with something. Their family started falling apart again and that's when she understood the term 'nowhere safe'. There was no place safe enough to hide from pain, in fact pain was so unbearable that it followed you wherever you went so she'd made up her mind and decided it was time they moved back to Woodwave.   

Her languid eyes brimmed with tears as she gazed at the sleeping state of Jimford. It was morning and the sun had started coruscating its aureate rays through their drape-flanked window, allowing daylight to enter their high-ceilinged room. When had he gotten back home because she was quite sure he wasn't in bed when her eyes fluttered shut.

He hadn't even bothered to come home last night so she had correctly assumed he was having his usual drinking/sexual escapades. Courtney had started asking questions, but she wasn't about to tell an eleven year old how she was failing as a wife and how she thought she'd failed as a mother also. After Ali's death, she'd decided to get back with him for Courtney's sake and partly hers, but so far, Jim was making her question if she'd made the right decision.