La Da Dee ✔

e x t r a s k i n

as I sat down,
I slouched a little bit.
and instinctively,
my hand found my side.

like I always did,
I fumbled with the skin piled onto my hips,
wishing I could rip it
straight
off.

I hated it -
the extra skin.
always covered up
and never caught in a two-piece:
convinced there was too much.

the extra skin
it haunted me.
everytime some would slip,
the small comments
were always bigger in my mind.
they grew and grew
and although they may have stopped around me,
they never stopped ringing
in my head.

mixed with overthinking,
my self esteem shrunk
and compliments were here and there,
but they felt meaningless.
in the one ear, out the other.

I returned them with empty thank yous
and carried on.
carried on bullying myself,
carried on wishing I was different,
carried on telling myself
I wasn't society's idea of beautiful.
I'm ugly.

ugly, ugly, ugly.

and at that moment,
as I was pinching at my side,
I decided to
s t o p.
I clasped my hands together,
avoiding aching temptation,
and just
stopped.

was this really what I wanted?
was this really how I wanted to feel every, single day?

no. the comfort had become
too much.

no longer would I be stuck
in my personal
downward spiral.
one could never dust themselves off straight away,
but I took the first -
and biggest -
step forward.
I decided I was going to stop fumbling with my sides,
and just
let them
be.

the other day
someone passed by me,
eyed me head to toe
and said,
you look nice.
I smiled -
not the smile that only forms on the lips -
the smile that overtakes
the whole
face.

wrinkles in the corners of my eyes,
I responded.
thank you.
I think I meant it.
________________
hiii my wonderful readers💙
this poem is really personal to me, and I tried to focus it on healing and recovering from body issues and self-bullying from my own experience. I hope you enjoyed :)
thank you so much for all the support, as of yesterday we have 1.5k!! i appreciate it so much ♡♡

xoxo, megs