CLOUDS | pjm + kth (first book)

taehyung's journal

sunday the 19th of december 2016

'When I woke up today, I was is Laura's room again. I can't believe I keep finding myself there. I really have to get my shit together. But, since I saw Jimin last week I've been feeling very weird about everything. My feelings, it's like I can't control them.

Yesterday I even went and dyed my hair, just because he did and I wanted to make him think I was pretty I think. Idk. Anyway, I dyed it red. Like, bright red.
I wanted to make it orange, for no specific reason of course, but they were out of orange colour so.

I find myself wondering, if I hadn't left Korea, maybe everything would've been different. I've actually found myself wondering that a lot lately. If I hadn't left, then maybe, I would've had Jimin right now. Here. Besides me.

To be honest, I was very shocked and upset and filled with happiness when I saw Jimin standing in the crowd last week. But, as I've trained myself not to feel sorry or basically feel anything, I couldn't do anything. I wanted to so bad though.
I wanted to cry at his feet and tell him I'm sorry over and over again. But it's been too long.

He just looked so beautiful. Pink hair, his beautiful skin tone glowing underneath the hoodie. My hoodie. He wore my hoodie.

I can't believe I messed us up. The way he looked at me, like I broke him down piece by piece. I made him cry. I made the love of my life right before my eyes.

It's very hard to write when the pages are all wet from me crying, so I'm going out for a smoke. I know I'll just be remembered of him, he hated when I smoked. But it kind of numbs everything. I know, it's stupid, I will quit. Soon.
I've also said that for the last four years, but I'll really try. Now since he's in the city, I'll really try.

I think I still love him.