friends | jeff atkins

f i v e

🌸 d e v o n 🌸

I, Devon Marie Alderman, live this picture-perfect life that my social media constantly reflects. Only, there's a darker part of myself that the world is sheltered from. I live within the present but am stuck within the past. I try to look toward the future and I seek consolation and truth from all the lies. Thoughts plague my being, hatred, and pain. My heart weighs heavy with things that I desire, Yet these wishful thinkings and pleads, I know I'll never reach what I yearn for. A perfect family, a perfect life. 

Do they say that time heals all past wounds then why am I still consumed by these thoughts? I hope that one day these feelings shall subside.

This move, it's my second chance. My chance to change me, to start over.

"Devon, which box do you want this in?" Makenna breaks my thoughts, the poor girl's face still stained with fresh tears. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Sorry." I shake my head breaking away from my thoughts.

"Just stay here with me and Morgan, then we don't even have to stress about packing." She pleads once more for me to stay. "You know I'm an emotional piece of shit, I can't do this anymore."

"Makenna." I frown. "I have to go, you know how it is."

"I get it, I get it. 'I can't ever show my face in Beverly Hills High again' mentality. It's a lot."

"Makenna, can you blame me," I say aggressively pulling everything out of one of my drawers into a box.

"No, what happened was pretty bad and I know how the kids at school are, it's not worth your pain." she sighed.

I think being an only child created a degree of self-reliance in me, which I'm thankful for. It made me perfectly happy with my own company and perhaps was good conditioning for protracted solitude. But that was only the slightest of my demons. It made it harder for me to get through the long nights of a broken family.

The trauma of abuse is never fully gone from a person's consciousness, it's still on my mind often. Its filthy stain leaves its residue on the soul forever. However, like all bad experiences, it is possible to turn this experience into good by developing compassion and empathy for others who have been through this experience. Being an only child was rough, but it changed when Makenna Darby and her family moved across the street. People that bringing meaning to a traumatic experience is a path to healing. We helped each other turn our negative experiences into a tool that brings meaning into our lives, taking the best kind of revenge on our families.

My father was a drunk, low life; he was selfish and good for nothing. It wasn't often that he laid a hand on me, I was his pride and joy. His little girl. My mother, on the other hand, was a human punching bag for his anger and aggression, and she just accepted it. It pained me to watch it happen, but what was I to do? I was just a kid. I watched it happen for the last sixteen years, I was so helpless and I almost felt as worthless as him. That was until the day he walked out on us.

Makenna and her family had their own problems, but nothing compared. Sometimes her mom and her didn't see eye to eye and she would crash in the guest bedroom. But she understood me, she helped me heal. She wanted what was best for me, and I wanted what was best for her. I think deep down she might be my soulmate, the universe wanted what was best for us and allowed us to find each other.

However, you can't prevent everything, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

The last year of my life was also the worst year of my life. It was the year I met Clinton Cave. He was my everything. I was only a high school freshman, how could I not fall for the Australian, bad boy musician that played in a band with his brother and their friend. Makenna introduced us to a party but he was a couple of years older than me and I never saw a problem with it because like I said he was just my type. tall with chocolate brown eyes, long dark hair, and the personality of an angel. He was my world. Clinton wrote me songs and made me feel like the happiest person in the world until Stacy Persinger came into the picture. He cheated on me and broke my heart, but I stayed because I thought I was in love with him. After I forgave him he changed, it was like he felt like he could get away with anything. It started with verbal abuse, pushing into mental and eventually physical. I would constantly apologize for my actions, daddy issues left my truly fucked up. His brother, Mitchel, eventually caught us in probably the worst fight of the entire relationship and broke it up. He sent me home and begged me to stay away, not because of anything I had done but because he was a soft, sweet soul. He knew I deserved better than Clinton.

"Here." Makenna says handing me the box she held in her hand before "I know it's tough kid, but you're stronger than you realize." 

"I don't want to leave you, Kenna." I began to sob into my hands.

"Calm down, calm down." She says putting her box aside and sliding down the wall next to me pulling me into a side hug. "It's an hour and a half flight there if you don't think I'll be there every chance I'll get. You're a fucking idiot."

"You'd fly just to see me?" 

"Of course, it's you. You're my best friend and my world." she smiled. "Plus, have you seen those boys from Liberty High? Whoever Dempzee is, damn boy. He can like, get it."

"Oh my god." I laughed.

"Devon." My mother's distraught voice called from the kitchen. We followed her voice to find her frantically pacing, a set of documents tightly clutched in her grasp. "We need to talk."

"What's up, Mrs. Alderman." Makenna took a seat, being as comfortable with my mother as if she were her own.

"Hello Makenna, shouldn't you be getting home."

"I was actually going to crash here for a couple of days, Morgan said mom needs a few more days to cool off from the last fight."

"What's wrong? Makenna is practically family." I tilted my head to the side, questioning her thinking.

"I just need to talk to you."

"Anything you need to say, you can say in front of Makenna."

"Then I won't say anything." She said sliding the papers across the counter, the two of us leaning over to read it.

"Pregnant?" We both gasp.

"Who's is it?"

"Your fathers." She rolled her eyes as if making the assumption that I had implied she was a whore.

"Mrs. Alderman, what?" Makenna gasps her hair in her hands, bewildered by the news.

"Dad cannot find out." I myself now begin pacing.

"No, and it's time I'm honest with you." She sighed. "This move was never about you starting over, it was about me. I was afraid he would find out about the baby and come back."

"You can't say that's selfish." I look at her sympathizing with her pain. "I understand it."

"I do too," Makenna adds. "I won't lie either, I hated the idea of you leaving in my own selfish way. But it would be me being selfish, wanting you to stay."

"We're gonna get through this." I pull my mother tightly to myself. "We're in this together, Mama."