a/n: warning: sleep-deprived rambles ahead (i just kind of needed to get it out, you aren't required to read it if you aren't in the right mindset or don't care to.)
with grief there should also be an ounce of optimism (at everyone's own time shall they come to terms with it), many are still alive. you are still alive.
you are breathing. you're here right now.
crying is okay. anger is okay. frustration is okay.
i could get into how last year i lost someone very dear and close to my heart at the pulse club shooting, i could pour my heart out. unfortunately, i'm still touchy about it so that can be saved for another day (if ever). grief comes in different ways for everyone, i'm having a hard time grasping any at all. my mind and heart are just aching for those affected all around the world for their tragedies that never cease to make home in their lives. and i hope more than anything that everyone can find their own ways to grieve without turning bitter or doing destructive actions to themselves or others.
i want to tell each and every one of you over and over how important and precious your life is, but i can't possibly get track of all of you. so this is the best i can do.
you were put on this earth for a reason, you were put here to succeed, fail, love, hate, and forgive. you're here to experience the highs and lows life has to offer. the awful awkward phases and all. the heart-wrenching days, weeks, months, or years. the days when you can't bare the thought of ever living again, the days when you're in hospital because of mistakes no one should ever make. but you're here for the mistakes. you're here for the hurt, the pain, all of the gory stuff you would rather forget about and mask happiness up over. you were put here for a reason. you are alive for a reason. don't waste your life, your opportunity. because with the horrific moments in life, there's also the sweet. love. compassion. smiles. the outdoors. animals. strangers. ugly sweaters that you can somehow make look cute. so much stupid, silly stuff. picture yourself on the beach carefree (hard for a few, but try), no one is there. you are completely alone. no one is there to look at nor disturb your peace. your peace; this is what you're focusing on. the waves crashing to shore, carrying all those fish, sediments, and creatures/organisms the world has yet to discover to your feet. all you hear are the waves and birds cooing. it doesn't matter what time it is, what you're doing, what you look like, or what you're really thinking of. it's the peace of mind. relax. find your peace of mind. whether that be at the beach, a park, your bedroom at five am while still scrolling through the news on your timeline searching for another thing to blame god for, your school, the middle of a supermarket, anywhere. find your own state of mind. when i began this i was in a horrible state of mind but hey, maybe i'm good at this honest writing thing. this is the most open i have ever been online in my life. maybe i will regret this, maybe this could help someone. maybe this could help you.
i can write a fucking novel on all of the reasons why you are here to this day, why your life matters, why you should keep living.
but that's the thing about life.
it's yours to discover, it's yours to find your own meaning to. my words can just fly right over your head, you need something more. maybe i can't give you those words you need, maybe no one can. so i want you to try and find them yourself.
everyone, please be kind to each other, you can talk to me in the comments if you want. you can pm me a damn essay on how you're feeling if you want. i am here.
i love you all, i'll try to get back to updating soon.
