To Let Go

Nine

"Okay Emma, your 30 minuets start now."

Nurse Brittany smiles as she puts down my tray, and exits. Do I really want to get the tube again? I look over at Leo, who sits in the chair across from me.

I uncover it. A veggie burger, and literally an entire plate of fries. A cup of veggies, chocolate pudding cups (two, to be exact), and a giant 1 literal cup of supplement. I sigh, and stare at it harder. Then I have a realization.

If I eat at the hospital, I can get out, and then lose the weight. I say to Ana. I'll let you eat to get out. She responds. I look away from the wall and at the plate.

I pick up the fork slowly.

Leo is checking something on his phone, unaware of what will go down.

Carefully, I stab a vegetable. It's a piece of cauliflower.

Leo still hasn't looked up.

I bring it to my lips. They part. And unwillingly I put the cauliflower in my mouth. I close, and chew. Swallow. Then I stab a carrot.

I have his attention now. He stares at me quizzically. Baffled.

I open my mouth again. And I place it in. Close. Chew. Swallow.

He's dumbfounded.

"Emma.....are you....." he says, as if he can't find the words.

I stab a broccoli. And then I repeat the process. I do this until the whole vegetable cup is gone. Leo hasn't said a word. He's just watched.

"Oh my Gosh..." he whispers. "Emma, you're eating."

"Yup." I say grimly, but then he breaks into a smile.

"This is ...... odd.."He says with excitement.

I could say the same for him. I don't think he's been this happy in all the time I've known him. I look at the fries. Too many calories. I've already ingested too many. But I can punish myself this way. By making myself fat. Then he'll see how I'm truly worthless I am. But then I'll lose the weight. Even though it's hard to already.

After Brittany comes in, her face is shocked at the fact I finished the whole plate. She smiles, and takes it up. Then it's just me and Leo. Alone again. He turns to me. He smiles.

"You're starting to win this fight." He says, and I nod.

Tears form in my eyes. I can't believe I just ate all of that. I want to throw up. But I can't.

Not if I want to get out of here.