||Disclaimer||
***I HAVE NOT INTENDED TO TRIGGER ANYONE, BUT TO BE A BIT RELATABLE TO THOSE WHO ARE STRUGGLING, AND TO INFORM THOSE WHO ARE NOT. PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY TO HEAR SOME SMALL TRUTHS I KNOW ALL TOO WELL. THIS CHAPTER IS VERY HEAVY. IT MAY TRIGGER YOU, THOUGH THAT IS NOT MY INTENTION. IM SORRY IF I OFFENDED OR UPSET YOU. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.***
***WARNING: YOU MIGHT WANT TISSUES***
Now for the chapter.....
We are nearly at the end of our story.
See, this note that Emma wrote, was not her suicide note, contrary to your belief.
It was her death letter.
She was too young to have a will, so months and months ago, she wrote a letter.
In a way, anorexia is a passive form of slow murder disguised as a lovely thing.
Oh, the pretty lies.
The ugly truth.
She told him about how she wanted to be burried, who would get what, and so on and so forth.
But most importantly, she apologized.
She apologized for not being a better sister to Finn, a better daughter to her parents, a better friend to Leo.
She wanted to live, she really did.
Believe me, she was scared out of her mind. She wanted so desperately to have another chance, to recover.
But sometimes there is no other chance.
She didn't even go to a hospital or ER.
There was no doctor to announce the time or cause. No dramatic scene with a defibrillator, or CPR. She didn't go out with a bang. Just silence.
She felt no pain and didn't suffer when it took her. She just faded away.
And then she smiled as I welcomed her into my arms.
"I have waited so long for this bliss." She whispers.
See, it's not death that's horrid and evil. It's the ones who inflict it.
I am not the evil one.
But society is.
See, when she slipped away,
she was thirty-four.
She never married, and certainly never had kids. Her whole life revolved around the eating disorder.
And one day, she finally attainted 'skinny'.
She was finally emaciated.
Skin and bones and organs and ligaments and hair. Dead for so long inside.
Now her body meets the same fate as her spirt.
Leo woke up with a freezing corpse in his arms.
Repeatedly, he told her to wake up.
He even screamed and shook her.
He pleaded so much that morning.
Tears came, and so did the feeling of desperation of her to come back to life.
It tore Emma apart to watch her best friend cry over her bones and skin.
Oh, how he clung to her when he figured it out.
He wanted her to live.
He was terrified, too.
As he held onto her lifeless form, he swore he heard someone laughing. A bone chilling laughter, one that haunts him forever. But it was the devil, taunting him. Society and media and demons lied to dear Emma.
Not everyone lives.
There never is a happy ending.
Anorexia is murder.
It's not suicide, like therapists or society think it is.
It's pure murder.
But it's something invisible that kills you.
Your demons fight you.
Sometimes they win.
This is the truth.
The truth is not pretty or ugly.
Not wretched or horrid.
The truth just is.
It won.
Anorexia had won the fight.
And Emma had lost.
But sometimes the defeat is the sweetest thing.
And Emma knows things.
So she smiles at me, and I give a small smile back.
Even Death has a heart.
YOU ARE READING
To Let Go
FanfictionEmma Chota is anorexic. No doubt about it. She was discharged wrongly from Ocean Park hospital, on account of false weight gain. Once she had a bad episode, she was readmitted. But that doesn't mean her mind is any better. After a Cardiac Arrest, an...
