There are some days when you desperately want this to end, and other days you embrace it, and then there are days like other days.
Where you just want live the way you are living currently. I guess you should just be glad that in those days, you don't want to die. Nor do you want to live. You just want to exist in the disorder. And then comes the past two weeks. Where you just want to wake up from this hellish nightmare.
Ten Years Ago
After Emma's Readmission
I lay on my gurney, starring at the ceiling.
It's so bland and pale. Just like me.
I turn to my right and gaze out the window. I see a recognizable face wheel by.
"Leo!" I call out. He stops and his eyes meet mine.
"Emma, what happened to you?!" He rushes in, wheeling over to my bedside.
"I had a cardiac arrest. And now I'm back here." A tear rolls down my cheek.
"Will you stay with me?"
"I'm not going anywhere." He takes my hand, the one with the IV sticking out of it. And he runs his thumb over the IV connector.
It's a few hours later that Nurse Jackson brings in my dinner. It's a salad. She drops it off, and I sit at the table. Then I burst out in tears. A salad?!
How fat can I get???
Present Day
Two Weeks Later
There is a knock at my door.
I slowly wrap my robe tighter around my self and open the door. Layne stands there, smiling. She's holding a container.
"Hey um, I got discharged yesterday. I'm going into an inpatient back at Sam Diego. Part of our treatment was to cool food so we wouldn't be so afraid of it. I got you some sort of bean mash, um...." she holds out the container and I take it. "Sorry if it's trigger or upsetting."
"Thank you, Layne." I smile weakly.
"One other thing...." she trails off, looking just behind me.
"Yeah?" I say, yawning.
"Leo said to tell you he's coming by later." She says, shyly.
"Okay." I smile, and she exits as I close the door.
As I put the container in my fridge, I look at how barren it is. Empty.
Just like me.
YOU ARE READING
To Let Go
FanfictionEmma Chota is anorexic. No doubt about it. She was discharged wrongly from Ocean Park hospital, on account of false weight gain. Once she had a bad episode, she was readmitted. But that doesn't mean her mind is any better. After a Cardiac Arrest, an...
