QingYu: A Wuxia Tale (Going Through Reediting)

Liar

(Qing's POV)

I waited outside the helper's bunk for Mr.Shu to come out. When he did I approached him.

"How is he?" I asked Mr.Shu. No need to say who I am talking about.

The older man stared at me then sighed, "He is fine now Captain. He managed to eat a little and now he is resting. You don't have to worry anymore,"

Mr.Shu is disappointed. He is not even making any effort to hide it. I am just not sure if he is disappointed in the situation or at me.

"Can I see him? Even just for a moment?"

Mr.Shu is already shaking his head even before I finished asking those questions. "That would be impossible. And if I may give some advice Captain, I hope you will leave the boy alone. Rejecting his feelings is not wrong but the least you can do for him is put some distance between you,"

In short, he is telling me to back off. To never see Dayu again. Maybe those are not the exact words Mr.Shu is uttering but I can see in his eyes that those are what he meant to say.

"I am also thinking of dismissing the boy..." Mr.Shu added.

I was stunned for a moment. "Dismiss him? Why?!"

The older man sighed again, "I have told you from the start, he looks like trouble to me. And look what happened now? If not for Soldier Mei, something might have happened to that boy. I don't like what happened today, him running away. Other helpers might take after him and made it a habit to run away when they are upset. No, he won't do at all..."

"Mr.Shu..."

"I am not saying that my mind is made up already. But I hope you will keep my advice in mind Captain. Leave the boy alone for a while. For the sake of both of you,"

After saying that, Mr.Shu left me. I walked away from the helper's bunk to my cabin. Not giving any thoughts to the stares directed at me. Nothing new there. My mind is busy elsewhere to mind other people.

My mind was filled with Dayu.

How is he? Is he really okay? I want to see him. Look at his face. Determine for myself if he is really fine.

I really want to see him.

I open the door of my cabin and entered inside. I close the door. Walk to the bed and sit down on the edge of it.

I feel uneasy. I made several mistakes today. First, not being able to hold my temper. That soldier from Captain Wei's troop is still avoiding me, even going out of his way to avoid crossing my path. Turning back when he sees me approaching.

Then taking Dayu inside the armory. Locking us there. That is a huge mistake.

And the worst mistake I made today. I lied to Dayu. Telling him that I don't want him. That I don't like to be with him.

Then things had gone from worst to complete disaster when we had that kiss and he ran away.

A sound escaped my mouth. I laughed. And laughed some more.

I lie down to the bed. Looked up at the ceiling with my arms stretched out. Then I raised one hand to touch my lips.

It's still there. That tingling feeling of Dayu's lips against mine. Those pretty lips pressed to mine.

I close my eyes to go back to that moment. His lips pressed to mine. His hands on my shoulder. His eyes looking at me.

Who knew that Dayu kissed with his eyes wide open? If I don't know any better, I will think that it's his first kiss.

Dayu's first kiss.

I suddenly sat up with the thought. What if, what if that was Dayu's first kiss?

I laugh happily before falling on top of the bed again.

I smiled at the ceiling, thinking of Dayu's eyes. They sure look pretty even if they look surprised. His lashes are long, his pupils are clear with dark brown color looking so innocent.

He smells so good too. Like sweet grass and crisped apple and Dayu. And the way he feels when he is in my embrace. Like he belonged in my arms.

My smile vanished. I lied to Dayu, saying I can't give back his affection because I thought that would be good for him. I thought Dayu is just confused, he said he never had feelings for a man before. I thought I would give him some more time to think about it carefully one more time before I would pursue him myself.

How wrong I was to do that.

I should have known better. And now Dayu got hurt and he is sleeping on the helper's bunk feeling upset.

On the other hand I didn't lied to him when I said that I have never been attracted to other men. That's true! I don't see men attractive. But Dayu is an exception to that rule. There's something about him that call to me. Like I want to see him, every second of every hour. I could stare at him for a whole day and that still won't be enough.

I want to see him.

Maybe explain. Take back what I said. Maybe hold him again. Another kiss won't hurt, maybe two kisses just to be sure.

Why did I lied? I rolled on the bed and thump my forehead on the bedding. It doesn't hurt because of the padding. I tried thumping my head harder, still doesn't hurt like the way I want it.

I rolled to lie on my back again. I sat up, looked around the dark cabin. This will be the second night that I will sleep here alone. Without Dayu...

I find it strange, that I have slept in this cabin alone for two years and be just fine but now I feel lonely without Dayu here with me. It's like this place got bigger without his sweet smile and sharp gaze when he is annoyed.

I sighed, lie down again, roll sideways. Just like how I lie when I got back from SiChuan and found Dayu sleeping on my bed.

I stetched my arm, imagining his head on top of it. Dayu should be lying in this bed with me. Not alone and upset on the helper's bunk.

Should I take him? Maybe recruit my soldiers to stealthy enter the helper's bunk to take Dayu quietly?

No, that would mean telling Mei and my second in command will surely disapprove of that plan. He is no fun that way.

I sighed again. There is still tomorrow. I can seek Dayu and talk to him tomorrow. Explain, apologize and confess that I lied in the armory.

Yes! That's what I would do. And then maybe I can do the gentlemanly thing and ask to formally pursue him. Dayu deserve a proper courtship. He is an innocent after all.

With a plan in mind. I close my eyes to dream of that kiss again.