QingYu: A Wuxia Tale (Going Through Reediting)

Nightfall

(Dayu's POV)

I sat in the darkness as I look at the fresh mound of dirt where my Uncle Shu was buried.

There was no mark placed there to identify the grave. Just a fresh mound of dirt over his wooden coffin. But a soldier of Governor Feng was stationed to stand guard on the grave.

There is a bamboo canteen beside me. Luau begged me to drink the water inside it if I will not eat. My Uncle's protegee had brought some rice balls and cured meat for me but I didn't even think about touching them, much less put them in my mouth to eat.

I look at that mound of dirt. But my mind was blank.

In truth, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like my revenge was for nothing. I am avenging my parents but in the process I lost someone as precious.

It's like it's not worth it.

"It's not worth it..." I whispered in the dark.

"That's what I told your uncle too,"

I turn sideways as Governor Feng sat beside me in the grassy ground.

"I asked him, is it worth it Shu ah? You are training Dayu and Mei for revenge and for them to be strong but would it be really worth it in the end?"

I stared at him, "You want revenge too. You wanted General Zong dead too."

"I did." Governor Feng nodded. "But I thought it is enough for the two of us to do it and not include you and your cousin. We were young then. Shu is the strongest assasin I know. He could have appear in front of General Zong and kill him then leave. Revenge done. But did you know what he said as his reply?"

I shook my head.

Governor Feng smiled sadly. "He said, Shu said, Dayu wanted to do it himself. He said you came to him, crying and begging and wanting revenge using your own hands. He asked me in return, can I say no to my godson?" The governor looked at me. "I said, no. I can't be a hindrance to you and to what you want. So I agreed with Shu ah. He trained you and Mei hard until you became strong."

I turn back to my uncle's grave. "He said he regretted it. Training us and raising us like fighters."

"I know," Governor Feng turn at the grave too. "I have the same regret but it was all said and done now. Now we have to find justice for your uncle too. Regrets are for the future, Dayu. The past is our reason to move in the present. Midnight will soon pass. This day will be yesterday. Tomorrow will be our present. Your uncle is dead, Dayu. Tell me what you want..."

What I want? What do I want?

I want Uncle Shu. I want him alive. I want my parents back. I want them with me.

But most of all. I want Captain Wang. I want his love. His affection. His devotion. I want his hugs and his kisses. His body against mine.

But I already learn that I can never have what I want without consequences.

I wanted revenge. I trained hard until every bones and muscles in my body screamed in pain. I killed innocent people, to let my targets suffer more. I lied to the man I love over and over just to hide the blackness in my soul.

Yet, in the end, I revealed it to him myself. Captain Wang gets to see how black and damaged my soul is.

I wanted revenge until the man who raised me and gave me security was also taken from me.