Rant Time 3

"I Kissed a Girl"

I'm out of school for the summer! But I'm sick with a cold. :(
So I've been laying in bed trying to fight off my fever until I see the doctor in the morning, and by "fighting off my fever," I mean laying in my cold room topless because that's not gonna make my cold worse, right? Thanks, Mom, for suggesting it.
While I'm laying in my misery, I remembered an old song I used to hear years ago. I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry. I swear, this has to be my theme song. Except for the fact that she has a boyfriend and is just experimenting with a girl for her bi-curious desires.
Now that I'm listening to it when I'm older and have a lot of sexual thoughts running through my head, there are so many innuendos in the lyrics and the video that changed it from an innocent bi-curious song to. . .THIS IS A GODDAMN LESBIAN SONG. SHE DID MORE THAN KISS HER!
Here's the video.

Of course, she's petting a cat. If you don't get it, here's a hint. The nickname for both cat and vagina is pussy. I bet you won't see that the same way again.
I must be so fucking slow or I'm too sick to comprehend innuendos right now, because it took me two days to realize what she really means by "the taste of her cherry chapstick."
No, she's not talking about that stuff you put on your lips (on your mouth, you dirty fuck). Think for a second. Cherry chapstick.
I'll wait.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I swear to fuck, I actually thought she meant actual chapstick. Not a goddamn clit. She's actually talking about eating a girl out and tasting her vag and her clit. Damn, Katy. Horny, are we?
I feel dumb. Very dumb. I say so many sexual things, think of so many sexual things, and yet I couldn't figure out that it wasn't really chapstick. I thought she was kissing her lips (ON HER MOUTH) and she was wearing some chapstick.
Either way, I think this is helping me with my sexuality. No one in my family is gay. Just me. This sucks pussy. One of my great uncles is transphobic. I'm not sure about homophobic, but I won't risk it. I won't be telling him about my desire for titties anytime soon, if I even see him.
I'm pretty open about it at work, since my coworker is bisexual and her talk about threesomes makes me comfortable. One of my other coworkers knows about me being gay. She's around my age and is a sweet girl who works her ass off, but used to say stuff to me like, "That baby is calling you Mommy. It's a sign."
I told her that I'm gay. I didn't want to because she's only a bit older than me and I was afraid she would think I'd try to hit on her one day, despite her being straight and having a boyfriend. I wouldn't. She's pretty and all, but I know my limits and boundaries. She's cool with it and we remain friends. She quieted about the "mommy" stuff.
I don't walk around "looking gay." No one can ever guess that about me. I'm not even sure what that means. But I don't walk around "showing" it. Or whatever. I look like the rest of the loners. I do have several things that are for pride around my room, like my blanket and a rainbow teddy bear.

I'm afraid of showing it, especially where I live. I'm more than happy to be open about lesbianism and what I would want if I ever (doubt it) have sex. I'm not prudish. If you ask me something about my sexuality or anything sexual, I'll answer honestly, no matter how awkward it is.
I'm sure my mom fears the day I walk home with a girlfriend next to me. It's confirmation that she won't get her wish. It's not my problem. I'll kiss a girl and like it, I'll do whatever the fuck I want with myself.
I'll be fucking forever alone, but it's worth a try. I don't think I'll get to that "cherry chapstick" stage, though. If I do. . .holy shit.
But I do know one thing. I'll kiss a girl and I'll like it. Thanks, Katy Perry. You're a legend and a sexuality hero.
~
Sierra 🌙