Rant Time 3

"Adult" Birthday Party|Rant Time

I have an issue, as always.
I have two other coworkers. They're best friends and live in the same house. One of their birthdays is coming up in a week or so. We'll call the birthday girl Nita, because that's her nickname I gave her. We'll call her best friend Mika, also a nickname.

As I said before, we're a very small work crew, so most of us are peas in a pod; we do things together, go out to the movies or dinner after work, have drinks, etc. We're either close friends or like a tight-knit family. I've been to Nita and Mika's house before. While it's a nice two-story townhouse, it's relatively small. Two bedrooms upstairs, three small bathrooms, a small living area and a small kitchen with a dining table shoved up against the back door. It's a nice living space for three adults at most.

Their two loud godchildren stay with them on the weekends. This is relevant.

Nita's birthday is in about a week, as I said. Her birthday party is next Saturday. At the house. With 20+ people there. We're all in disagreement of what to do because it seems no logic is being put into this party.

I should rewind to how this mess started. It's a doozy.

Nita really wanted to go to a fancy restaurant for her birthday ($65 a plate!). She made the reservation in advance and was so excited. Mika wanted to throw her a surprise birthday party at the house, so she cancelled the reservation and started planning the party without consulting Nita at all, because it was supposed to be a surprise. So Nita's dinner she was so ready for wasn't happening and we all felt bad that we were reluctantly part of all this and couldn't tell her.

It gets better.

This party will be held at that tiny house, with all our coworkers and Nita's family and outside friends. That's a lot of people. Not only that, but Mika is making this party all about herself and not taking into consideration what Nita wants to do. Nita already told TiTi and I that she doesn't wanna have the party and she just wants dinner at the restaurant.

Mika doesn't care. She wants to have the party so that's what goes.

Here's where I rant.

You would think that, with the small closet that is their house, Mika would try to avoid inviting unnecessary guests to preserve space. Nope. Instead of making this an adults-only event like Nita wanted, she's allowing kids to come. Kids. In a small house. With a lot of strangers. And very hot food. Okay.

TiTi and I asked if there will be any type of alcohol. Mika said no, only wine coolers, which only contain the slightest amount of alcohol you've ever seen. I'm not a heavy drinker at all (TiTi is another story) but I love me a beer or two on occasions (maybe three or four times a year). Say the words "party" and "beer" and I'll be ready in five.

So of course TiTi and I moan and groan. And ask why. Why not have alcohol if this party is for an adult? Because kids, she said. This is probably the most used and shittiest excuse ever. For one, people can drink around kids, as long as they don't get so drunk that they can't drive them home or take care of them. Most people were raised around alcohol. And why should kids be there if Nita doesn't want them there? Let's not go all Dry County just because some tiny people are present.

We asked what we'll do at the party, what activities, games, events, etc.

Board games and Family Feud. Mika wants us to play board games. At this "adult" party. And not even mature games, like Cards Against Humanity. She said she wants it to be a "classy" event.

This woman will be 31 years old. What 31-year-old wants to have a birthday party with kids, fruit punch, child board games, lack of alcohol, and lack of fun?

This was supposed to be a surprise party, but Nita found out someone had cancelled her reservations, which I already explained to Mika would happen. Mika pretended she didn't know what happened and flew into a panic. Nita went crazy and asked what she did, so TiTi had to tell her, to break the tension. The surprise was ruined (and it's not TiTi's fault, I'm glad she said something) but there's no stopping Mika.

I asked Nita what she wanted at the party, and I told her that Mika said no alcohol.

Her response was, "Fuck that. I'm gonna get wasted. Don't worry, I'll bring you beer."

Mika is gonna be pissed, but oh well. This is Nita's birthday, she should at least incorporate something she wants. She wants alcohol and a crazy good time. What's so hard about that? Mind you, Mika is a "reserved Christian." To the extreme. No alcohol, no Mary Jane, no nothing that could be considered "sin." She can't even watch a scary movie about demonic possession because "its evil and against her beliefs." Meaning, we wanted to see Annabelle Creation at the movies and she said no, so we had to see something else.

TiTi describes her as a "buzz kill." A literal buzz kill. She's right. A "good Christian" should not be throwing an adult birthday party. End of. She still has issues from when she found out I'm an atheist lesbian.

Oh, wait. There's more.

She wants each guest to contribute money in cash to the party. No, honey. I'm not spending my hard-earned money on a party that I'm a guest of. If I'm not hosting, I will not be paying. I'll bring some drinks or food or whatever, but I'm not obligated to help pay for a party that isn't even wanted. She asked me to give her the five dollars cash today that I had yesterday. I told her I'd taken that out of my mom's purse (I lied, it was change from something I bought my mom, but it was still hers) and I do not keep cash in my wallet anymore (that's true, petty theft is real).

TiTi says she will not be contributing in money to this party. I don't blame her. She was debating on going because she had other people asking her to do things that same day, but she's 95% going to the party now that my mom threatened to drag her out the house by her braids, but we will be sitting at the top of the stairs with our cups of beer--vodka for her--and plates of some alfredo Mika is having catered. Her and I are antisocial and I'm literally her only friend, so it's just easier to be two tipsy--shit-faced drunk for her--peas in a pod.

But I warned her I'm not scooping her up off the pavement again. She can drink as much as she likes and lean on me all she wants, but once she's down, that's it.

Mika is gonna hate this. I already told Nita what she's planning and she had this weird look on her face like she didn't like what kind of shit it was. Personally, I have to plan my own party because I don't want someone to put in the work of doing it for me and it turns out to be the exact opposite of what I'd like. I don't blame Nita at all for wanting to do something else.

I guess I'm being petty. Maybe it won't be as bad as I'm imagining, but I have an idea of it in my head. Kids running around, getting into the cake, people squeezing between people, no place to sit, TiTi and I scrunched up on the stairs.

I'm forced to go, so I'll make the best of it. But I'm almost fully expecting a train wreck. Hopefully I go home with my stomach full of good food and beer and not have to leave with a bottle of Pepto Bismol TiTi snuck in her purse, like the last time (Mom got so sick with Mika's food). Hopefully I can leave and hug Nita goodbye and not have to say, "Maybe next year."

We shall see in nine days. I'll definitely tell all of how it went.

I'm scared.
~
Sierra 🌙