Unspoken

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The next few days are spent trying to dig up anything that I can on Matthew Simon. I spend hours pouring over internet articles, looking for a mention of his name. His name isn’t listed in the phone book and I assume he lives out of state. At the end of my third day spent searching for him I am about ready to call it quits. I have found absolutely nothing. No matter where I look I can’t seem to find any sign of him. I’m beginning to think that Richard Sims gave me a fake name because there is no way that someone could be so impossible to locate. Between facebook and twitter people aren’t exactly hard to find. Even if he doesn’t have either of those, there should be something somewhere that mentions him.

I am completely disheartened at my lack of progress and can feel myself slipping back into a depression that has plagued me for so many years. Declan is the only one that can snap me out of it and I am grateful for the fleeting moments when I can truly be happy. Like when he holds me in his strong arms, cradling me gently. Or when he kisses me softly, slowly working up to something more. When I’m with Declan everything is perfect, at least until he has to go and I am alone again. I spend most of my time with him and when I’m not, I am wishing that I was. It scares me how much I depend on him. Before Declan came into my life I didn’t care for much, if anything. I was just waiting for the day when everything would finally fade away and I would be once again reunited with my brother. I had contemplated suicide, but couldn’t go through with it. How could I give up willingly what my brother had taken from him forcibly? Some days were better than others for me, but when I look back on them they blur into a monotonous succession of uneventful, unmeaningful days.

That all changed once I met Declan. Things are so much easier now. In the mornings, when I wake, I jump out of bed with a smile on my face, already wondering about the next time I will see Declan. I have fallen fast for this boy with sparkling green eyes and a smile that makes me melt. I never planned on this happening and no matter how happy he makes me, I almost wish that I had never met him. If I had known how much I would grow to care for him, I would have stayed far away. Because I know that every day I grow closer to him will make it hurt so much more when he leaves. I don’t have a doubt that he will go. I know that I can never be enough for him, never be what he truly deserves. I am just a broken girl that refuses to let words to escape from her mouth. Declan deserves someone that can tell him everything he needs to hear, without the fear of their past threatening to swallow them up. He might not realize it now, but eventually he will want something more and when he does I will be crushed. For me he is all that I have, but he has so much more. Without me he still has friends, family, and a real future, and I will have nothing. Even though I know in the end I will lose him, I can’t seem to let go. I should tell him to go before he leaves on his own, but I won’t. How can I when he is everything that I need? When just hearing the sound of his voice makes my whole day? No, I can’t leave him and so instead I will let myself fall harder every day and enjoy every second that I get. Every day I will hope for another, but I know my time will run out. All that will be left is the memories.

* * *

“You know, this might be my first time actually being in a library,” Declan whispers to me and then winks. I roll my eyes at him and continue looking for anything about Matthew Simon. I sort through old newspaper articles and everything else I am able to get my hands on. Looking in the library was actually Declan’s idea and he has been helping me skim through the articles. I am extremely grateful for that because the library has stacks upon stacks of newspaper articles that don’t seem to be sorted in any certain way other than by year. I started with the ones from around when Caleb died and then began to search through the years before and after. I figure that even if Matthew doesn’t live here, he had to have been in the area for awhile if he was involved in Caleb’s murder.

This is how Declan and I spend our morning, sorting through moldy smelling papers in hopes of what seems impossible. Finding Matthew is going to be a lot harder than I thought. I am completely frustrated and I know Declan can tell by the way I slam down another article and begin roughly turning through the pages. He reaches over and catches my hand to stop me before I rip a page, I assume.

“I’m starving, Ari, let’s go get something to eat,” he says and I glare at him still frustrated. I want to take a break desperately, but if I leave I don’t know if I can make myself come back. “Come on, my stomach is growling so loudly that the librarian has been giving me dirty looks.”

I nod, relenting. We gather up the articles and put them back where they belong. Then we walk over to a pizza place nearby. I grab a table as Declan goes up to get our food. I glance up when someone sits in the chair across from me and my eyes meet Jennifer Duvall’s.

“Hello, Arianna,” she says, a cruel smile plastered on her face. I just stare back calmly, waiting for her to get bored and leave. “How are things with that gorgeous boyfriend of yours?”

My eyes trail over to where Declan stands in line, but he is facing away from me and doesn’t notice. Jennifer flips her silky long blonde hair over her shoulder and narrows her gray eyes at me.

“You know, things have been going pretty perfect with me lately. I just won homecoming queen and now all that I need is a stunning date.” She looks at Declan, checking him out. “He could certainly work, couldn’t he?”

I glare at her, even though I know she is only trying to make me angry. I don’t understand what I did to her, but she is really beginning to bother me.

“Well, I suppose that will have to wait for another day because I have plans. You better watch out, Arianna, or you just might lose him some day,” she winks and then saunters out of the pizza place.

Declan comes back to the table holding two plates and he hands one to me. I stare glumly down at the pizza, suddenly feeling insecure. What if Declan does leave me for her? She is pretty, popular, and can be quite charming when she wants to be. I don’t even compare. I pick at my pizza, not very hungry anymore. I can feel Declan’s concerned gaze, but I try to ignore it.

“Hey, are you alright?” he asks, tilting my face up to look at him. I try to smile my reassurance, but fail miserably.

“It’s okay, Ari. We will find Matthew Simon eventually,” he says, mistaking my reason for being upset. I don’t correct him and he spends the rest of the day trying to cheer me up. I have to admit he does a pretty good job.

After eating we do go back to the library, but hours of searching later we still have nothing. We didn’t get through many articles, though, because Declan kept distracting me, trying to make me laugh. We had to be shushed by the librarian multiple times and eventually decided to just leave. We walk over to his truck, hands intertwined.

“So, I was wondering if you would want to come to one of my bands gigs. We are playing at this music lounge tomorrow and I was hoping you would come,” he says, seeming a little nervous as to what my answer will be.

I grin enthusiastically, excitement coursing through my body. Other than his humming I have never heard him sing, but I know how much he loves it and I’m glad that he wants me to come. I can see that he is pleased by my response and he bends down to kiss me lightly. I completely forget about Jennifer’s threat, finding Matthew Simon and everything else as I wrap my arms around Declan’s neck. I let all my worries slip away, allowing the happiness that only comes from being in Declan’s arms, flood through my body.

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I know this chapter isn't that good, but i promise it will get better! Vote/Comment??