Unspoken

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The next few days are terrible. I spend most of my time doing things that will distract me from thinking about Declan, but distractions never seem to last. I try reading, but then that makes me think about going to the library with Declan. I can’t listen to music without thinking about the song he wrote for me and I can’t write without thinking about the letter he wrote me. Everything reminds me of him and it is driving me insane. I came to rely on him for everything, I didn’t even realize how much until he was gone. I don’t know how I passed the time before I met him. The days seem to drag on forever, every second more painful than the last. I can’t eat or sleep and when I do finally drift off Declan is almost always in my dreams. It is pathetic really and I hate myself for relying on him so much.

The one thing that actually works to take my mind off of Declan is planning to go see Matthew Simon. I look up his address and print out the bus schedule. If it were up to me I would have gone to his house the second I found his address, but there were some other things I had to figure out. Like how am I going to talk to him if Declan isn’t there to ask the questions for me? I guess I can use a whiteboard like I do with Declan, but now I have to get a hold of one. They are probably really cheap, but the thing is I don’t have any money at all. Which leads me to my next problem. I don’t have any money for bus fare. I would ask my mom for the money, but then that would lead to questions of what I need it for. I suppose I could lie, but I feel kind of guilty doing that. My mom has actually been kind of nice lately and I don’t want to do anything to ruin it. So, until I can think of something I am stuck for now.

It takes everything I have not to contact Declan. I want to see him so badly, but I am still so angry with him. I just don’t understand any of it. Honestly, it wasn’t that much of a surprise. I knew that it wouldn’t last, but it still sucks. I wish that he would just explain everything and maybe then it would be easier for me to get over him. I doubt it.

* * *

“Arianna, get the door!” my mom calls from downstairs. Why she can’t get it herself I don’t know, but I go down to answer it anyway. I open it to find Declan standing on my porch. My breath catches in my throat and I look down. I feel like if I look into his eyes I will forget every reason I had for being mad.

“Hey,” he says softly, looking extremely uncertain about being here. I try to make myself glare at him, but fail miserably. Instead I am giving him my wide-eyed desperately sad look. “Can I talk to you?”

I’m tempted to say no because just seeing him makes me want to burst into tears, but I can’t seem to make myself. Besides I wanted an explanation anyway. So, I nod and wait to see what he has to say. He runs his hand nervously through his brown hair and opens and closes his mouth a few times, unsure how to start.

“I’m so sorry, Ari. I didn’t mean any of it,” he says looking at me earnestly. I frown because I am trying to convince myself to stay strong and not give in, but he seems to take it that I don’t forgive him. “I know I over reacted about the Jennifer thing and I never even gave you a chance to explain. I was just frustrated with myself because for a second I wished you were more like everyone else, but I can see how stupid that was. I love you the way you are. I don’t deserve it, but I was hoping you might give me another chance.”

He looks at me hopefully and it takes everything I have not to say yes. There is still something that is bothering me and so I shake my head no. Disappointment shows on his face, but then I pull the article out of my pocket and hand it to him. I want an explanation of why he hid it from me.

“I know I shouldn’t have kept it from you, but I was just trying to protect you,” he says and I raise my eyebrows in response. “What if Matthew Simon is Caleb’s murderer and you go accuse him? Do you think he is just going to let you leave? Or what if the reason your dad hired a PI to track him has to do with something else entirely and he is just a dead end? Then you are just going to be disappointed. I thought it would be better for you to just let it drop. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

It was still my decision, not his. He makes a good point, but he still shouldn’t have hidden it from me. This time I do manage to glare at him.

“Are you going to see him?” he asks me urgently. I nod, even though I don’t know how I am going to get there. “Okay, then I’m going with you. I don’t care if you want me to or not, I’m not letting you go to this guy’s house alone. If something happened to you I would never forgive myself.”

I can’t help the smile that slips onto my face. He makes it so hard to stay mad at him! I’m actually glad that he is going, not only because I now have a ride and someone to talk for me, but because I really didn’t want to do this alone. Who knows what I will find out? I will most likely be an emotional mess by the end of the visit and it will be nice to have Declan there.

“Did you read the whole article?” Declan asks and I shake my head no. After seeing it had the area he was from I got excited and tried to find it online. I completely forgot to even see why there was an article written about him in the first place. “It is actually about Caleb’s murder.”

I snatch the article out of his hands and read it over.

This Tuesday around seven p.m. there was a tragic shooting of a ten year old boy. Caleb Rogers was shot three times and died before medics arrived. They were unable to resuscitate him. The shooting occurred when Caleb and his twin sister were playing outside of their house. Nobody saw who the shooter was and there doesn’t seem to be a motive. Matthew Simons, of Bridgewater, was the first to arrive on the scene after hearing the gunshots. There are reports that he tried to save the boy, but was unsuccessful. He refused comment.

The article goes on, but I can’t read anymore. There is a ringing in my ears and my head starts to pound. Matthew Simon was there? How come I can’t remember him? This puts him at the scene of the crime, but why would he try to help my brother? Was he checking to see if he was dead? These questions and a million more circle around in my head. I find myself clutching Declan’s sleeve, needing something to hold on to. He holds me until I am able to stand on my own.

“Do you still want to go?” he asks me and I nod. I want answers now more than ever.