Unspoken

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Declan’s POV

I am too late. This is the thought that pounds through my head as I race down the stairs to stop the girl I love from leaving. I arrive just in time to watch her slam the door behind her. I could run outside and catch up to her, but what good would that be? I don’t have the explanations she needs. I’m just an idiot that let the best thing I had slip away.

I could push the blame onto Jennifer because none of this would have happened if she hadn’t kissed me. This would be wrong, though. Maybe she played a part, but in the end this lies all on me. I screwed up big time. First by over reacting, when I wasn’t even upset about the Jennifer thing in the first place, and then I didn’t tell her about the article. To top it all off I said the one thing I knew would make her hate me most of all.

I slump against the door, my head in my hands. This whole night was a mistake. We should have just stayed home. I knew that she didn’t want to go, but that she would because she knew I wanted to. I should have known Arianna doesn’t belong with people like that. They can’t understand her the way I do, or thought I did. When she wasn’t around my so-called friends made fun of her. And did I stand up for her? No, I just sat there and let them get to me. I don’t know why I paid the things they said any attention, but it bothered me and I think that has something to do with why I freaked out on her over the Jennifer thing. It wasn’t ever about her tripping Jennifer. It was about something else entirely, I just didn’t realize it yet. I can see now that I was mad at her because she wasn’t the perfect girlfriend that everyone would be jealous of. I know it sounds terrible, but I was ashamed at the fact that she isn’t normal. She can never be the girl that people would want to know. Mostly because she refuses to talk. I was never ashamed of this until I heard my friends talk about her. It made me realize that things with her would never just be simple. We never could have a care-free relationship like most teenagers do. She could never be a girl like Jennifer. For a second I wanted that and I took it out on her. I was being a stupid, selfish jerk and I hate myself for it. Before tonight I never felt any of those things. When it was just me and her things were so much easier.

Now that she is gone, though, I see what an idiot I really was. Why should I care what anyone else thinks when I love her just the way she is? I don’t care if she doesn’t talk, I understand her perfectly. She didn’t need words to work her way into my heart. I don’t need a normal girlfriend, I need Arianna. She is perfect, whether she is broken or not. I just wish that I had realized it sooner.

I think back to how shy she looked when she came into my room, tonight. She wanted me to tell her that everything was okay and I wish more than anything that I had. It wasn’t enough that I took out my selfishness on her, then she had to find the articles. I found them the day that we went to the library and I hid them from her. I knew that it was wrong, but I justified my actions. I know she wanted the truth, but she was willing to put herself in danger to get it. What if Matthew Simon is Caleb’s murderer and she just walks up to his door demanding answers? Or what if it has nothing to do with Caleb and then she is left with nowhere else to look for her answers? I couldn’t see a way that meeting Matthew Simon would benefit her and so I kept it from her. I know it was her decision to make, but I thought that protecting her was more important and I still do.

My thoughts reflect back to what I think was the worst thing that happened tonight. I didn’t think before I said she was not speaking for attention. I know why she doesn’t talk and getting attention has nothing to do with it. If anything she wants less attention. I said it because I was upset and I knew it would hurt her. The second the words left my mouth I regretted them. The look on her face flashes through my mind and I shudder. I never thought that I would cause a look of so much hurt and anger to cross her face. I can still see the way her big eyes widened like I had punched her and how her mouth parted open in shock. If anyone else had hurt her like this I would have been the first to punch them, but ironically enough it is me that caused the tears that streamed down her pale face. I deserved the slap and so much more.

I don’t deserve someone as good as her, but I want her so badly. I know right now she doesn’t want to talk to me, but I hope she will eventually. And when she does I will explain everything and pray that she can forgive me. If I didn’t realize how much I loved her before, now that she is gone it is clearer than ever. There is a deep ache in my chest that can only be filled by her and I won’t give up until I get her back. I will do anything to see her beautiful smile just one more time.

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Arianna’s POV

“I made breakfast if your hungry,” my mom says as soon as I walk through the door, completely surprising me. She doesn’t even need to look up to know that it is me. I thought she would tell me to leave or at least demand to know where I have been, but instead she acts as if nothing has happened, as if she expected this. I stand there looking at her confused and she raises her eyes from her book. “You look horrible.”

My body begins to shake with laughter. I do look horrible. My eyes are red and swollen and I’m covered in dirt from the cemetery. This isn’t what makes me laugh, though. It is just the way my mother says it that makes me realize I kind of missed her. I know she isn’t the greatest mom, but she is what I’ve got. When she tells me I look horrible, somehow this comforts me. Everything else might change, but she will stay the same. I walk over to her and surprise both of us by grabbing her in a hug. She sits there stiffly and I expect her to make some comment about how I am getting dirt on her and the furniture. She doesn’t say anything, though, and hesitantly wraps her arms around me. This might be the first time we have hugged in at least six years.

I let go of her and smile. Strangely I am starting to like her more. I think that after Caleb died she just didn’t know what to do, so she withdrew from everyone else. She became cold and mean, but I’m used to that by now. I think deep down she still cares, even is she refuses to show it. My dad on the other hand is just a creep and I plan to stay away from him.

I go up to my room because I really just need to be alone. I can’t believe Declan hid the articles from me. I could forgive him for everything else, the spiteful words and all that, but not for keeping the truth from me. He knew how much finding Matthew Simon meant to me and he had a way of finding him the whole time. I wonder what else he lied to me about.

I take out the newspaper articles and smooth them out. I read them for the first time and squeal in excitement. The article gives away where he lives and it isn’t even that far. I can probably get there by bus since it’s not like I’m going to be asking Declan for a ride any time soon. At least there is one good thing that came out of this.

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I don't really like this chapter, but the next one will be better :)

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