Unspoken

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I go back to Declan’s house because I’m unsure where else to go. I briefly considered going home, but I can’t do it. Going there would be like giving up on my relationship with Declan. Am I mad at him? Yea, but that doesn’t mean I want things to be over between us. Once I explain what happened to him everything will be fine. At least that is what I tell myself.

I silently open the door to his house and try to walk in without anyone noticing I’m here. I don’t want anyone to see me like this, it will only make them ask questions that I won’t answer. Luckily, I make it up to my room without running into anyone.

I walk past my mirror and stop when I see my reflection. My eyes are red rimmed and puffy. Streaks of mascara run down my face. It’s amazing how fast something can be ruined. After cleaning my face a little I collapse onto my bed. I stare up at the ceiling and listen for Declan’s footsteps on the stairs.

He doesn’t come home until two hours later. I hear the door slam behind him and then his mother’s voice, saying something I can’t make out. He gives an angry retort and then stomps of the stairs. Why is he so mad? I’m the one that should be angry!

I wait for him to come to my room to talk, but he never does. I’m tempted to go to his room, but if he wanted to talk to me than he would have. So, instead I spend the night pacing around my room, trying not to cry. I try to go to sleep, but it is no use because too many thoughts swirl around inside my head. I wonder if Declan is awake and thinking about me, too. I decide I can’t take it any longer and go to his room. I stand outside his door a few minutes before I can gather the courage to knock softly. It is so quiet I doubt he can hear, but a few seconds later his door opens. It is clear that he hasn’t gotten any sleep either by how completely exhausted he looks.

I lower my eyes, shyly, hoping that he will be the first to talk. He doesn’t, but opens the door wider to let me enter his room. We stand there in silence for a second and I stare at the ground, afraid of meeting his eyes.

“Well? Are you going to explain why you had to go and ruin our night?” he demands angrily. My eyes shoot up to look at his face and what I see kills me. The sparkle in his eyes are gone, replaced with a cold glint that makes me shiver. He has never looked at me like this and it scares me. Even when he was upset he still regarded me with a gentle fondness. Now it is as if everything we have ever shared has been erased because of one night.

“You were mad because she kissed me? Is that it? So, you went and hurt her just because she didn’t realize I had a girlfriend?” he continues not giving me a chance to defend myself. I shake my head, but I’m not sure if he even notices. He doesn’t even know half of the story! She must have told him something to make him this angry because I honestly don’t get why he is making this such a big deal. “It’s like I don’t even know you.”

I feel my eyes sting. I look around desperately for something to write with so that I can explain my side of the story, but Declan holds the door open, waiting for me to leave. He is done with the conversation even though he never gave me a chance to explain. I can’t believe how unfair he is being!

I notice the whiteboard on his dresser and grab it. When I do I accidentally knock over a stack of papers. I lean down to pick them up, but am shocked when I realize what they are. They are newspaper articles and on one a picture of Matthew Simon stares back at me. I look at Declan shocked. He found something and didn’t tell me?

“Hey!” he says and goes to grab the articles from my hands. I stumble away from him, clutching them tightly. I look at him with a mix of anger, hurt, and betrayal. Why didn’t he tell me? He must read the question on my face because he pauses to try to think of an answer. “Look, the article isn’t important. That’s not what this is about.”

It is now! I write after grabbing the whiteboard off of the floor. He doesn’t seem to know what to say and his frustration gives way to anger.

“If you want to know so bad then just say so! I know you could talk if you wanted to, you’re just being stubborn. Maybe Jennifer is right and you’re just doing it for attention,” he spits out. As soon as he says it he eyes go wide with regret. For the second time tonight I react without thinking. I slap him as hard as I can. He stands completely still and I watch as the anger drains out of him. He looks strangely defeated and terribly sad. I brush past him and into the hall.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers so quietly I can hardly hear him. I don’t turn around and I’m certain he didn’t expect me to. I make it to the front door before he seems to recover.

“Arianna!” he calls as he races down the stairs. I ignore him and walk out into the cold night.

* * *

I wander around aimlessly for what must be hours. I don’t know where I am going, but I need to keep walking or I might go insane. Luckily for me, I don’t run into any other people. It is creepy how dead the world around me is. There is no sounds except the slap of my feet on the sidewalk. Eventually the sun begins to rise and the world wakes up around me. Birds begin to sing and people stumble around sleepily while getting ready for work.

I have nowhere to go. I refuse to go back to Declan and my mom told me to never return. Somehow my feet guide me to the local cemetery. I find my way to my brother’s grave and collapse onto the ground. I would give anything to have Caleb here with me now. He would know just what to say to make me feel better. I miss him so bad!

I trace the words on his grave, Caleb Rogers A beloved son and brother. That is all there is left of the crazy ten year old I was proud to call my brother. Coming here was probably stupid, because it makes me feel a hundred times worse. I thought maybe I would find some comfort coming to see him, but instead it just make me think about who killed him. Which makes me think of Matthew Simon and of Declan. Once again, sobs rack my body. I never knew I could cry so much in one night. When I can compose myself enough to stand up I do. Then I walk back to the one place I promised I would never return to, home.

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