Unspoken

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Our plans were to go the following day because I told Declan that I wanted to go as soon as possible. He seemed to understand even though he still didn’t like the idea of me going to meet Matthew Simon. After hearing his explanation for everything I did forgive Declan, but I wasn’t quite ready to give in completely. For now I just wanted us to be friends, no matter how awkward that would be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to be with Declan, but I want him to be sure I am really what he wants. He says he loves me, but he doubted his feelings for me before and who’s to say he won’t again? I don’t want to get strung along and then dumped when he decides he doesn’t want me anymore. So, I decided to proceed with caution and take things slowly.

After I said goodbye to Declan I shut the door softly behind him and went into the kitchen. My mom gives me a small smile and I am once again shocked to find her actually cooking. What is going on with her lately? I don’t think she has said one mean thing all day. It’s kind of creeping me out. Also, my dad hasn’t been around at all. I don’t think they have made up since the fight because they seem to be avoiding each other. Maybe they decided to get a divorce and that is why my mom is so happy! I know I would be happy.

“So are you and Declan back together yet?” my mom asks. I shake my head no and she looks surprised. “Oh, well you two will make up. It’s obvious how much he loves you.”

I frown at her and leave the room. She is being nice and supportive in one day? Something is definitely up with her. I go up to my room and decide to catch up on my school work. I have been falling behind since I met Declan. I never used to mind doing my work, but now it just seems like a waste of time. I force myself to do it anyway.

It takes me awhile to finish because I keep getting distracted by my thoughts. There has been so much going on lately I can hardly keep up. First Declan and then all the stuff with my parents. Not to mention every thing with Caleb. I think back to the day I found Matthew Simon’s picture in the attic. It makes me wonder what else could be hidden up there in the piles of junk. I decide to find out.

I head up into the attic and am immediately overwhelmed by the sheer amount of junk. I have no idea where to start or if there is even anything worth finding in all of this. I go up to a random pile and begin my search.

After hours of searching I come up with nothing interesting. I just find a bunch of old furniture, books, clothes, and a ton of other useless things. I am starting to think that my parents are hoarders, I mean what is the point of keeping all of this stuff? I am ready to give up when I come across an old trunk. I flip the latch and try to lift the lid. The lid sticks and it takes a bit of wiggling to finally get it open. When I see what’s inside the color drains from my face.

The trunk is full of Caleb’s old things. After he died I went up into my room one day and everything from his side of the room was gone. It was almost like he never existed. My mom found me huddled on the floor sobbing and she told me that we had no use for those things anymore. I would have given anything for something of Caleb’s, just to remember him by. All these years I thought that my mom had thrown his things away, but they up here in a trunk collecting dust. Why would she hide these things from me? I think the first time I ever really started to hate her was that day. I remember wondering what was wrong with her, that she could just pretend like Caleb never existed. Maybe it was just to painful for her to see all of these things that reminded her of him. It was probably easier to just put his things away, to avoid the constant reminders of what happened.

Sitting on the dusty attic floor, clutching Caleb’s old baseball glove to me, is when I allow myself to finally forgive my mother for everything. It couldn’t have been easy to be her. Losing one child and then the other stops talking. That is a lot to deal with, especially when you have no support. It isn’t like my father was there for her. He was too busy hooking up with various women and getting drunk all of the time. Who can blame her for becoming so cold and distant? I can see now why she distanced herself from me. It was too painful to think of Caleb and we were practically identical. We shared the same eyes and facial structures. The only difference was the length of our hair and the fact that he was a boy and I was a girl. I can see now how awful it must have been to look at me and see nothing but her dead son.

I gently lower the lid of the trunk back down. I never needed any of Caleb’s things to remember him anyway. I could never forget him, even if I wanted. It still makes me feel better that they are here, though, and not in some landfill somewhere. I guess my mom must have felt the same way. She didn’t want to see his things, but she couldn’t get rid of them either. It seems I am learning a lot about her today.

I decide that I have seen enough today and go back downstairs. As soon as I enter my room I notice something amiss. My desk drawer is lying on the floor, overturned. The contents are spread out around it. Someone was obviously in my room and didn’t do a very good job of cleaning up. I try to figure out what there was in that drawer that someone would want. The picture and article!

I quickly comb through the stuff lying around the drawer, hoping I am wrong. I don’t find either the picture of Matthew Simon or the article. Why would someone take them? It had to have been my mom or dad, unless someone actually broke in to get them. I don’t think that my dad is home yet and so I run downstairs to ask my mom. I find her in the living room. I scrawl a note on a piece of paper and hand it to her.

Did you take something from my room? She looks at me confused, but seems to realize this is serious.

“No, I haven’t been in your room. Why don’t you ask your father, I saw him go upstairs,” she says.

I let out a sigh of frustration. It had to have been my father. No one would have been able to break in with my mother sitting in the living room. But why? I try my best to think of a plausible explanation and can only come up with one. Somehow he must have found out that I have been searching for Matthew Simon and he didn’t want me digging into it. He probably took the picture and article just to scare me. I already have the information memorized and didn’t need either of them anyway. So, he went in my room and made a mess so that I would know he was there. I believe he is trying to warn me to stop trying to find out more on Matthew Simon. Well, he can try to scare me all that he wants because it isn’t going to work. I am going to get to the bottom of everything no matter what. I decide not to give my father the satisfaction of seeing me freak out. I’m going to pretend like everything is perfectly normal and like I don’t suspect him of anything.

“You want to watch the movie?” my mom asks pointing to the TV. I think back to my discovery in the attic today. Somehow I like my mom a whole lot more now and so I sit down beside her. At least one of my parents is getting more likeable.