You're My Oxygen (Jalex)

Chapter 4

Alex POV:

You never really realize how much something or someone means to you until they're gone.  People keep saying the pain will go away in due time but lately the pain has just been to much to bare. I stand in my bathroom holding the only thing that could make the pain go away, the only thing that could me feel better. I know Tom used to cut and I used to yell at him for it but now I understand why he did it. I hold the blade to my wrist feeling the cold metal against my skin as I feel a warm tear fall from my eye. Then I make the decision that this is the only choice. My only chance to make it all go away. I slide the blade across my wrist and watch the thick red substance ooze from the wound. I do it again and again until there are 5 horizontal cuts on my wrist. Something about seeing the blood leave my body feels good. Like it's all of my pain and feelings and thoughts leaving me and I won't lie it feels good. I sit here crying letting my wrist bleed as I take a deep breath letting all of my worries leave my body. Why does something so wrong feel so right?

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"Alex can we talk to you for a second?" I see my parents sitting at the table holding hands. Last time they were like this it changed my life completely. "Sure" I say sitting down across from them bringing back unpleasant memories from the week before. "Well your mother and I were thinking maybe it would be good for you to talk to someone. We found this great therapist who isn't to far away and she specializes in teen depression." They look at me with hopeful eyes. I feel bad for my parents, They already lost one child and now they are slowly losing me. I'd love to make my parents feel better by going but I don't know if i'm ready to open up to a total stranger. I look at my parents once more realizing their faces have turned back to frowns. "Okay I'll go" I say knowing if I had said on it would only make them feel worse.  They look at me with smiles that I have not seen in a while. "Thank you Alex this means a lot to us" My mom says getting up to wrap me in a hug. I hug back but this time we stay like this for nearly 3 minutes. I have to admit it feels good to have human contact after spending 5 lonely days in my room.

"Hey guys I think i'm gonna go for a walk" I say pulling away from my mom as I stand up. They nod so I make my way up stairs. I grab a light jacket, my phone, and my head phones from my room before I head back downstairs.I see my mom cooking in the kitchen and my dad sitting in the living room as I walk out the front door. Ever since we found out Tom died everything has been so different. All of us have changed so much. My mom used to leave the house and hang out with her friends but now all she does anymore is cook and bake in the kitchen or cry in her room. My dad used to love his job and do stuff with us as a family but now all he does anymore is sit around and watch T.V. with a beer in hand. I was never really happy to begin with and I never really had any friends but now that Toms gone I feel more alone than ever before. I guess people change when they lose someone or something they love. Like they go from being happy and full of life to hollow and miserable and sad. I wonder if things will ever be the same but deep down I know they wont.

My parents think that every time I go for a walk I go to the park but they don't know that I actually go to the bridge. The last place Tom was alive. I love the feeling of the cold autumn air blowing through my hair as I look over the side of the bridge feeling the cold metal press against my exposed skin. The sound of bird chirping in the distance clashing with the sound of the rushing water below. I kind of understand why he did it here. It's so peaceful and no one really comes across this bridge anymore. This was our bridge, we came here almost every day after school just to hang out and talk. Those moments just memories now. I can't help but wonder what he was thinking before he jumped. 

I'm alone. I have no friends. Not even Alex would understand. Wouldn't it just be easier to jump? Why did I get stuck with this life? 

It hurts to much to think about though. I just don't understand why he didn't talk to me. Why he didn't trust me enough to confide in me. Why he felt like his life wouldn't get any better. Why he kill himself. Why? The one question that no one can answer.

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Thank you to those of you who have read this far. Chapter 5 is coming soon so stay tuned!