Been You

Chapter 30: Group Date With Me

**TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER**

JUSTIN'S POV:

I wake to the sound of whispering, but I don't yet open my eyes. I just try to concentrate on the sounds, my mind still waking up. "... and I'm just so afraid of losing you, Justin. You just make me so happy, and I've never been this happy. I've never loved myself this much before. I always doubted myself and never believed I deserved anything good. You showed me my worth. You made me strong, and that's so scary because at any moment I could lose all of that. I love you so much. Please don't ever leave me," Ely whispers, thinking I'm asleep. I can't bring myself to tell her that I heard that, so I stir a bit before slowly opening my eyes. "Well, good morning sleepyhead," Ely says, pecking me on the mouth.

"Good morning, baby girl. Did you sleep alright?" I ask. She nods before resting her head on my chest. I look down at her, noticing that my chest, neck, and everywhere in between is covered in bruises and hickeys from last night's action. I smile, saying, "Wow, you really did a number on me." She giggles into my chest, blushing. I grab my phone to check the time - 8:34 am - when I notice a text from Za.

Za: Me and Ry are taking our girls to the pumpkin patch this afternoon. Did you & Ely wanna come with?

"Hey, El. Did you wanna go pick pumpkins today?" I ask. She excitedly sits up on my bed, clapping her hands, unphased by the fact that she's still naked, which turns me on like crazy.

"Oh my god, I'd love to! Can we? Can we? Can we?" It makes my heart soar seeing her so happy. I nod, laughing at her childlike excitement. I text Za that we're in. "Oh my god, I need the perfect pumpkin picking outfit, and I need to start decorating my dorm for Halloween, and..." Ely continues excitedly. It's crazy, ever since we started dating, I've forgotten the way things were when we were best friends. Like how festive she and my mom would get over every holiday. Like how she'd always think I didn't notice that she stole the gummy bears out of my Halloween basket every year. Like how much I'd loved her all along, just in denial for much too long. I tune back into her rambling, feeling guilty for ignoring her about something that obviously means so much to her. She finishes her rant by saying, "I know it seems silly, but this is so romantic to me. Doing coupley-datey-romance stuff with you gives me butterflies, ugh," she swoons. She's so adorable. If romance is what she wants, it's what she'll get.

"Well, why don't you go pick out the perfect pumpkin picking outfit," I tease, nuzzling her nose, "and me and the guys will pick you up in about an hour, I think?" I suggest. She bounces up excitedly, throwing on some of my clothes to wear back to her dorm. That's when it hits me. "Baby, I was thinking... maybe one day this week you'd like to bring some of your things over? I could clear out my top left drawer. You know, only if you want to..." She slows from her excited frenzy to stop, assessing my expression.

"You're giving me a drawer?" she asks in a wondrous tone. I nod. She runs over to hug me tightly. "Justin, I love you so much," she speaks into the crook of my neck. Her head suddenly snaps up, her expression can only be described as fearful... "Are you... how do you suddenly know all these specifics?" She asks suspiciously. I look at her confusedly. Specifics? "How did you know I was excited for Halloween? How did you know that I wanted a drawer? Justin, have you been reading my diary?" My jaw drops incredulously.

"Ely, come on, you've always loved Halloween. You dressed up in a costume every day in October of first grade. It doesn't take reading your diary to know that you'd want to pick pumpkins. And you're currently stealing my favorite sweatpants! I haven't seen you in your favorite sweater in forever. I know how much you love it, especially in the fall. I swear, I wouldn't invade your privacy like that... but, why are you so afraid that I did? What don't you want me knowing?" I ask, softly. Now, I'm concerned. She looks down. She feels guilty. She always looks down when she thinks she's done something bad. She's quiet for a moment.

"I've been... struggling - with the whole food thing -" she stutters, nervously.

"Ely-" I cut in, but she cuts me off just as quick.

"I didn't... you know, I've just been tempted and started eating less at the most, but I've been trying, I swear. I just didn't want you to be disappointed with with me. I didn't want you to think I was weak," she admits, her chocolate brown eyes welling with tears. I pull her back into a hug. How could I not notice this?

"Ely, you can always come to me about anything. I know this is hard. I'm so proud of how far you've come with this and I'm sorry for not making that more clear. I'm not disappointed with you for struggling, I'm proud of you for enduring. The only thing I'm disappointed about is that you felt like you couldn't come to me about this. Promise me that you'll always come to me, and I'll promise that I'll always support you. Deal?" I plead, fearfully. I push away the flashes in my mind of what could happen if... it's too much.

"Deal," she promises. God, I hope she means it.