Been You

Chapter 65: Vent With Me

ELYSANDRA'S POV:

I'm still gripping on to Justin for dear life, shaken by my darkest secret being revealed to damn near everyone in my life. Justin rubs my back softly, and I find some comfort in that. I'm also comforted by Ryan confessing that he struggles with the same problem. It makes me feel far less guilty and far less alone. I know that it must've been a hell of a lot harder for him to confess than it was for me. Not only must it have been extremely emasculating, but he doesn't have someone who'll be there for him unconditionally like I have with Justin. I mean, he has Selena, but she's made it clear that their relationship isn't the sturdiest. I'm so grateful to him for stepping up for me like that. I'm also grateful for Justin. Not only did he defend me when Christian was pressing me about it, but he's still here for me now. I really do love him.

"Okay, I get being insecure. Everyone has something that they'd like to change... but to the point of throwing up? Why would you do that? Do you understand how bad it is for you? You could kill yourselves!" Atifa says worriedly.

"Ti, I've been bullied my whole life. I've been made to feel bad about myself from the beginning, that when I finally had someone... I needed to make sure I didn't lose it. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't seen the way I was treated, but just know that I really am working on myself and healing. Justin's been such a huge help. You really shouldn't worry, I've been clean for quite a while. I know the last time things got bad I didn't really open up to you, and I'm sorry for that. I promise, if things start to get bad again I'll totally come to you," I assure, hoping it's enough. She gets up to walk over to me. She grabs my hand, squeezing it. I squeeze back.

"You better," she answers sadly.

"And Ry, what's your story? I mean, you're -" Za questions confusedly before he's cut off.

"A guy, I know. Everyone thinks guys can't have body image issues, but it's not fucking true, okay? Do you know how much it sucks growing up in a household where all your older brothers are star athletes? Football players, basketball players... and then there's me. I've always been... heavier. Always been the disappointment. It was fine back at home because hockey wasn't a huge sport in my town. Less competition made me look like a pro. But when I got here, where I thought I could finally break out of my brothers' shadow, I get pushed right into Justin's. Into all of you guys'. It's no secret that I'm the weak link. I just thought that maybe if I dropped a few pounds, I could pick up my speed and not be such... a disappointment," Ryan explains, his head in his hands and elbows on his knees.

"I'm sorry, man," Justin lets out, startling me. "I didn't really know where you were coming from, but now I do. Thanks for spelling it out. And trust me, you are not a weak link. We need you dude. So don't go fucking that up by blowing chunks, alright bro?" Justin comforts. Ryan smiles back at Justin. I turn to peck Justin on the cheek. I've never seen Justin show so much strength and character. I love him so much. I squeeze his body close to mine.

"I love you, baby," I whisper.

"And the same goes for you, Ely," Christian adds. "I know what I did just then was real fucked up, but I really do care about you. We all do. And if anything happened to you... Just take care of yourself." I nod at him, words escaping me. Overwhelmed, I take a sip from my cup, only to find that it's empty. I lean forward to get up to get a refill, but Justin grabs my arm.

"My turn, babe," Justin offers, sliding out from under me. I smile, thanking him. He takes my cup, heading into the kitchen.

"Ely... Justin hasn't... made you feel... less than perfect in any way... has he?" Atifa whispers, concerned. My eyes furrow in bewilderment as I shake my head vigorously.

"No, no, no, of course not. He's the one that forced me to eat when I was at my worst. He's done nothing but help me beat this, I swear. Hell, if it weren't for him..." I trail off, not even knowing how to finish that.

"Oh, honey," Atifa cries, speed walking over and hugging me. "We are gonna spend so much more time together from now on, okay? I don't know what the hell was wrong with those bullies, but it was their problem. Not you. You are perfect. You deserve all the love in the world and you never need to... do that or anything else. Ever," she rambles, squeezing me tightly. I happy cry in her arms. I've never had a girl friend before, and I never knew if it was worth all the hype. I can swear on my life that it one hundred percent is.