Been You

Chapter 34: Get Caught With Me

JUSTIN'S POV:

I carry Ely upstairs because she fell asleep in her clothes and I know she hates that. I lay her on my bed, watching her sleep. I frown at the memory of her thinking she wasn't special to me. Dammit, I wish I wasn't such a fuckboy in high school. If I would've just told her that I didn't like Tyler, that I was really just jealous the whole time, that I really just missed her, instead of looking for distractions in cheerleading uniforms, this whole mess could've been avoided. I would have never made her doubt her importance to me. I've got to do better. And to yell at her too? When it was me who was sleeping around? When I knew the revelation was gonna hurt her anyway? I really need to stay away from alcohol or I'm gonna end up losing the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I slide her jeans and her sweater off, careful not to wake her. I tuck her in, kissing her cheek. She's so beautiful while she's asleep, almost like a baby, her cheeks soft, lips pouted. I shut the lights off to head back downstairs to the others. I go downstairs to rejoin the others, but only Ryan and Selena are there. "Where're Za and Atifa?" I ask.

"Fucking," Ryan says blatantly. Selena slaps his arm, but he just rolls his eyes. "I'm actually exhausted and I have to go to my English prof's office hours in the morning, so I think I'm gonna head up. Sel, you coming?"

"Um, nah, I think I'm actually gonna head back to my dorm, I like to brush my teeth," Selena says, as if it were obvious. I think about how Ely thinks I don't know about her using my toothbrush when she sleeps over. I laugh at the thought. I am drunker than I thought.

"Suit yourself," Ryan yawns, kissing her on the head before trudging upstairs. I start to head upstairs as well, but Selena grabs my arm.

"Where are you going?" She asks confusedly.

"Upstairs... to my girlfriend..." I say, not sure where else I would go.

"Well, I mean, I don't have to go back to my dorm right away. We can still party," she suggests. I wrinkle my nose at the idea. Why would we?

"Um, okay," I say, not wanting to be rude. What could it hurt?

"Okay, so we were playing truth or dare, right? So pick one. Truth or dare?"

"Truth," I choose, not adventurous enough to find out what Selena's version of a dare would be.

"Tell the truth. Do you think I'm sexy?" she asks. I get up to leave, seeing where this is going. I may be drunk but I'm not stupid. I will not get caught up. "No, wait, please, it's not like that," she scrambles, grabbing my arm again. I stop, curious to know where she's going with this. "It's just... at first Ryan and I were just sleeping together, but I told him I want more than that. If he wanted to keep sleeping with me, he had to make it official. But it doesn't feel official, you know? Like yeah he let me meet his friends and he doesn't lie about being with me anymore... but he still doesn't act like he cares. He never pays attention to me or talks to me; hell, he talks more to your girlfriend than he does to me. And about sex, no less. And now he doesn't even try to sleep with me anymore. I have to force it out of him, and he's not even present. It's like going through the motions. I just don't think he finds me attractive anymore, and it sucks because that's all I had going for me," she finishes her rant with a deep breath. Now I feel bad. I know from being with Ely what insecurities and bad relationships can do to a girl. I don't want anyone, not even Selena to have to go through that.

"Hey," I say to her, sitting back down next to her, rubbing her back to calm her down. "You are... attractive. But that's not all you have going for you. You're smart, kind, and fun to be around. You should never think that that's all you have going for you. And if Ryan makes you feel that way... maybe he's just not the one for you. Or at least -" I comfort before being cut off by Selena's lips on mine. I'm so caught off guard that it takes me a minute, but I finally push her off. I hear footsteps, light and quick. Footsteps I'd recognize anywhere. Shit. "What the fuck, Selena?" I blurt, standing up. I don't wait for her excuse. I run up after her. In my room, Ely is struggling to slide on her jeans, her mascara streaming down her face.

"Is this why?" She yells, gesturing to her thighs as she struggles to pull her jeans on. "Or maybe this?" She asks angrily as she pinches her side. I run to her, pulling her into a hug.

"No, no, no, no, no, E, it's not like that, I swear," I ramble, sounding like a goddamn cliche before she pushes me away.

"Don't fucking touch me, Justin," she orders. I comply, afraid of making things worse. She pulls on her sweater, walking out, angrily storming down the steps.

"Ely? Where are you going?" I ask, worriedly. "Please, let me explain?" I plead.

"Explain what? How you and Selena were down here alone. How you were telling her how smart, and kind, and pretty she is? Fuck, that sounds familiar. How you fucking kissed her? When you know what that shit would do to me? How insecure I am when it comes to her? No, fuck you, I won't let you explain. I'm going the fuck home. Don't call me, don't text me, lose my fucking key," she yells, storming out of the door. Fuck. I punch the wall out of frustration, leaving a dent. I don't give a fuck. Why should I care about anything anymore?