Been You

Chapter 38: Spend The Night With Me

JUSTIN'S POV:

Elysandra is sitting across from me, dissecting her burger. She removes the patty from the buns before cutting it up. Every time I think she's done cutting it up, she cuts the pieces smaller. It's so disheartening seeing her like this. I hope me eating my burger as is will help her to get started, but it doesn't. I'm halfway done with mine and she's still cutting. Finally, I speak up. "Do you remember our promise?" I ask suddenly. She jumps at the sound of my voice. It was almost as if she was in a trance. "You promised to tell me when you're struggling, and I promised to help," I remind her.

"Fine, Justin, I'm struggling. What are you going to do? Force feed me?" She snaps. She then realizes how she sounds and her face softens. "Sorry."

"It's fine, baby. I just want to help. How did this happen?" I ask, genuinely concerned.

"The Selena thing really hurt me, Justin. And every time I threw up or skipped a meal or lost a pound, it felt like I was getting back at you. And it felt empowering to be in control, to be able to make myself look better than her. Justin, I lost eight and a half pounds this week," she says proudly. I just look at her worriedly. Her smile fades.

"Please eat," I plead softly. It really hurts to see her this way. She stabs a minuscule piece of her burger with her fork, putting it in her mouth. She chews it for what seems like forever. "Ely... we've gotta get you better," I say once she finally finishes that piece of her burger.

"Come on, you can't deny you don't like it at least a little bit. I mean, can you imagine when my -" she insists before I cut her off.

"No, Ely, this might come as a shock to you but I don't like seeing you sick! I don't like seeing you unable to eat a goddamn burger! I don't like seeing you kill yourself, Elysandra," I can't hold it in any longer. She frowns at me. "I love you, E. This hurts to see you like this. Please," I beg.

"I'm sorry, Justin. I love you, too. And I know this is hard for you. It's hard for me, too. But I am gonna try to get better, for you and for me. I just need patience and time, okay?"

"Okay, babe. As long as you really are trying," I say. We sit at the diner until she finally finishes he burger. I'm so proud of her. "You did so well, Ely," I say as we leave the diner. She doesn't look as happy as I do, but when I hug her tight, her face lightens a little. I kiss her for the first time in forever, and it feels warm and sweet, like honey. "Stay over mine, please? I miss you..." and I'm afraid you're gonna throw up.

She nods her head, smiling weakly. We walk back to my place, heading straight to my room. She keeps her clothes on and climbs into my bed. This is so unlike her. I look at her questioningly. She knows what I mean. I can tell because I see her look down at her sweats. "Do you still like me?" She blurts out. She continues in a whisper, "sexually, I mean?" I quickly walk over to where she's sitting on my bed. I sit next to her, a worried expression plain on my face.

"Always, E," I assure. "It's not that I'm not attracted to you, I just want you to be healthy," I explain. "Your body will always be sexy to me, babe." She throws her arms around my neck, looking up at me in desperation.

"Show me," she says into my mouth, our faces millimeters apart. My lips crash into hers, muscle memory carrying our make out session along. I'm not as forceful with her, afraid of hurting her more delicate frame. We undress each other, never breaking the kiss. Once completely naked, I pause to look at her, to ensure that this is what she wants. She nods, but hesitantly. It doesn't feel right.

"Ely..." I start. "We don't have to..." I don't know how to say it. "I love you, and I love your body. But if going all the way right now isn't something you're ready for, that's fine with me. Having you is all I need. Anything else is just icing on the cake." She hugs me close to her, our naked bodies pressed together.

"I love you, Justin," she says into my neck.

"And I love you more, Elysandra," I whisper. And we continue making out until we fall asleep. I hold her tightly in my arms to ensure that she doesn't make any mistakes.