One Shots

Goodnight

Trigger. Read at your own risk.

"Hey, uh, if you're listening to this, then I'm dead. Not alive. If I am, turn this off. Please? I want to be dead when you listen to this. Like really dead, not asleep, but dead. Like not breathing at all. Just dead. Um, so let's start this, shall we? First off, I'm dead, but you already know that. Second off, I really hope no one gives a shit. Like I really hope no one takes this to heart. Third off, um, sorry for my French. A lot of cursing will probably happen. So, I'm Lauren. Lauren Jauregui. But you already knew that, at least I hope you do or did. I'm really not good with this language we call English. But fuck it. I'm twenty one years old and I am dead. Let's start from the beginning. At the age of 17 I was admitted to this psych ward. A place I have now called home. A year before I was involved in a car crash, both my parents died and every passenger in the other car died. I was the only survivor. You can say 'I went crazy' from it. I, uh, I didn't tell anyone I was here. Well my best friends Dinah and Normani knew but my other best friend, uh, friend, girlfriend, stranger? I don't know what to call her anymore, uh, she didn't know. So a year passed of just Dinah and Normani visiting me and Dinah couldn't take it anymore, so she told her. Dinah told her the truth. Not the 'Lauren is in Australia' truth because story has it she went to Australia looking for me. And came back pissed as fuck when I wasn't there. So she begged and begged for Dinah to tell her the truth. And the honest truth. I'm not mad at you, Dinah, I think it was for the best. Her name was Camila. Camila started to visit me after that. Every single day except weekends, those were Dinah and Normani days. I couldn't forget my other friends, now could I? After a year Camila stopped visiting me. She was busy, she would say. Well, that was the excuse Dinah and Normani told me. But I knew better, she didn't want to see me no more. Our relationship was weird. We met when we were younger. But our relationship was always kind of just weird. I don't think I told you this but I think I loved her. Yeah, I think I did. She didn't. I know she didn't. She can think long and hard but she never did. She stopped visiting me because she got married to Mr. Right. He has an actual last name but I usually call him Mr. Perfect. Mr. He's Not In A Psych Ward. Mr. He's Not Crazy. Mr. Right. Mr. He's Not Me. Yeah, she got married and left me here to rot. Thanks, Camila. I should hate you, but I can't. I still had Dinah and Normani. And my roommate, well not literal roommates, the walls were thin so it was easy to talk to the person in the next room. Her name was Ally. She helped at times of trouble. Guess she wasn't able to help this time. Am I right? Yeah, I know, this isn't a time for jokes. But this is already so depressing. Camila used to tell me jokes. They were stupid as fuck but they always made me laugh. Ally left the ward, um, a week before, I, uh, hurt myself. Which was a month ago. She cried before she left. She said, 'Even though I don't know what you look like, I know that you're rather beautiful.' Am I still beautiful, Ally? Do you still think of me as the beautiful girl who would sing you off to sleep? Because if you do, you are one crazy motherfucker. Camila came back. Ironic, isn't? Once I lose a friend, I gain an old friend back. Once I turned 20. She came back. It was perfect timing you can say, because a year later the infamous Lauren Jauregui killed herself. Funny, right? Well, maybe not to you. But to me it is. Then again everything is a joke. But going back to what I was saying, she started to visit me more but everything had changed. Our relationship went from weird to cold. I started to change I went from Lauren to death. Camila started to change she went from Camila to a stranger. Dinah and Normani told me to have hope that I would get out of here and everything would be back to normal. But nothing was normal. If I went home, I wouldn't be greeted by my parents. I would be greeted by guilt. If I went back home, Dinah and Normani would be overprotective moms. If I went back home, Camila would still be a stranger. If I went back home, I would have killed myself there. I, I, I just want to go to sleep. In all honesty. I don't want to go home anymore. Home is here. Going to sleep sounds great right now. I'm just so tired. I'm tired of pretending to be fine in front of Dinah and Normani. I'm tired of not being me. God, I have so many regrets. I should have kissed you that night Camila. I should have never left Dinah's party. I should have never called my parents to come pick me up. Just because I was so scared to kiss you, Camila. Fuck, if I would have kissed you none of this would have happened. Me being scared of my feelings for you cost my parent's life. I should have never gotten into that car with my mom and dad. I should be dead. I should have not woken up in the hospital. I should be dead right now. But I'm not. Instead I'm here recording this. You're wondering how I got this, right? Ask Ally. Before she left she slipped it under my door. Thank you Ally. I hope the real world is treating you right, Ally. I hope Dinah and Normani finally realize that they are meant to be together. I, uh, I hope your happy with Mr. Right, Camila. I'm glad you found someone that wasn't me. I would have destroyed you. Funny, huh? You destroyed me instead of the other way around. But hey, my eyes are drooping. I think the medication is kicking in. So I'm going to go to sleep. Maybe finally I'll get what I want. Goodnight everyone. I'll see you guys later. I just hope not tomorrow in the morning, because that's awkward. But goodnight Ally, Dinah, and Normani. Goodnight, Camila, I love you."

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I hardly update here, and I was going to turn this into a book, but decided against it.

But I will try to update here as much as possible.

I promise.

I hope you enjoyed this depressing one shot.

- Noah :)