One Shots

Lonely

Camila's P.O.V.

It was probably three in the morning when I looked over to see Lauren wide awake staring at the ceiling as if it was speaking to her. It wasn't rare for me to see her like this but every time I try and ask what is going on she runs away. She would leave me in the dark for hours as she was in the bathroom doing who knows what.

The last time I had tried to get up to talk to her, all I heard was glass shatter. She had broken the bathroom mirror. I remember the scared look as her knuckles were bleeding and the only thing she had told me was that she had it under control and hurriedly put me back in bed.

But tonight felt different. She didn't run even when she looked at me as if she wanted to confirm that I was awake. I was ready to move to a comfortable spot so I can speak to her but before I could she held me tighter. As if she let me go I would go away and never come back.

"Have you ever felt alone although everything is right in front of you?" Lauren asked as she kissed the top of my head. My face drew a frown as I didn't know how to answer that.

Was there moments I felt alone? Yes, but it was never when I was with everyone and everything I had. I almost wanted to ask if I was the reason she felt so alone, that I didn't give her enough space so she can live her life. But that probably would have ended terribly.

"Like right now I have the love of my life right next to me. I have this beautiful home with you," Lauren chuckled a little as her hold on me loosened. "But I am still so alone," Lauren mumbled quietly.

I sat up as Lauren followed suit I couldn't help but stare at her confused features as if she didn't even know what was going on with her. It wasn't rare for Lauren to go on and on about how she felt, if anything I enjoyed it. One of the many reasons I had fallen so in love with her. She knew how to communicate even if it didn't make sense she put her feelings out there even when she didn't know what it meant.

Just like the day she told me she was into me, it was almost like it was yesterday.

"Camz I'm confused,"  Lauren had said as she threw her pencil across the room. I laughed as she looked at me with a sorry look. It was probably the fifth time I was teaching Lauren the same English concept. And maybe even the tenth time she had thrown that poor pencil across the room again.

"Well maybe if you didn't throw the pencil you wouldn't be so confused," I chuckled as Lauren quickly got up and grabbed the pencil, sitting down as if she was ready to learn a bunch of nonsense again. "You can tell me that I am not a good tutor if you aren't learning anything Lo," I told her once again to remind her she didn't need to have me as her tutor.

"It'll break your heart though," Lauren mumbled quietly, and she was right it would have. "It's like me telling you I don't want to watch a Disney movie with you, or that I was not completely into you," she said as I looked at her with a smirk. She suddenly realized what she had said and quickly stumbled over word for word trying to make it sound friendly rather than romantically.

After what seemed like hours Lauren trying to redact what she had said I quickly put my hand on her mouth to shut her up, "So you're saying you're not into me?" I asked as I gave her a sad look, if she wasn't going to admit it, I might as well. 

"T-T-That's not what I-I am saying," she mumbled through my hand. I put my hand down as she turned redder than a firetruck. "I-I-I'm really into you," she said with a shy smile.

I chuckled as I looked down turning red as well, "I'm into you."

I smiled at the small memory but looking at her now she wasn't red or smiling she was lost right in front of me. Before I could even throw out a sentence or a question Lauren had continued, "Nothing is wrong with me yet everything is. I don't know Camz, am I going crazy?" Lauren asked sadly and almost desperate for an answer. It was as if she, herself, was losing her mind. 

"Lauren, look at me," I said as she looked at me with curious eyes. "You are not going crazy you're just in your thoughts again," I said and I saw her let out a sigh as if that was the only confirmation she needed. The only confirmation she wanted to hear.

"I think I should go home for a couple days," Lauren said as she looked down. Almost disappointed that she even had thought about home. It was very known to the both of us that she didn't even know what home was. 

I chuckled as I lifted her chin up, "You don't need my permission to go home babe."

She smiled as she looked back down to her fidgety hands. The last time Lauren was ever home was even before we had started dating, and that was five years ago. Once we met she was always with me, she never spoke about her home she never invited me to her house. But I had never questioned it.

"Where is home?" I asked her quietly, I wouldn't have been mad if she didn't hear me. I honestly didn't even want to hear me. She looked at me with a small smile I already knew she was going to give me a cheesy answer but I needed to know the truth so I gave her a frown to let her know that I was serious.

She swallowed the lump in her throat as she looked to the side, "Can we go to your parents home for while?" I was surprised that she thought my parents were home rather than her own but I smiled as she laid down. "Come here," she said as she grabbed my hands pulling me down.

"I love you, Lo," I said as she gave me a kiss on my forehead. "You are not alone, you know" I told her as if my life depended on it.

"You know now that we are on the topic of like me going crazy?" She said and I only hummed into her chest as I knew something ridiculous was going to come out of her mouth. She may have been serious for a short while but she hated ending the night serious. "Can you be my suga mama who gets me a therapist?"

I chuckled as she did, "I can book you an appointment with someone." I felt her nod as I knew the end point was she wanted to see someone to talk to someone other than me. I smiled as I felt her relax into me. I just wanted her to not feel alone ever again. A trip home and a therapist would be a refresher for her. I smiled into her as I tightened my hold, "You are going to be okay."

---

Something small, something short.

I'm trying to write more but I have been a little not okay in the head.

So can someone be my suga daddy/mama that cares about my mental health? :)

- noah :)