One Shots

Lorenzo

(FIA Lauren is trans in this) :)

Lorenzo's P.O.V.

"Do you hate me?" I said as I sat in the car waiting for my mother to drive off from dropping my brother, Chuck, off at school. I gulped a lump in my throat as I saw my mother's lips turn into a small frown. I could only roll my eyes as she tried to answer the question but no words would escape her lips. 

Do I even want her to answer? I questioned myself as I looked out the window seeing Chuck greet his friends with a friendly handshake. He's perfect, the thought came to me as a harsh statement. I wasn't him, nor will I ever be. I closed my eyes as I imagined life differently if I was just Chuck. Please don't answer, I could only hope as I took a deep breathe adjusting myself in my seat.

"It's cause I'm not Chuck, huh?" I chuckled bitterly, as I looked at my hands playing with them. It had always been different, I tried to remind myself that I am who I am. Even though everything would be so much better if I wasn't. I took a deep breathe in as I heard my mother sigh. That damn sigh, I looked out the window again as I noticed that we were on the freeway already, she really did not know how to answer. 

"I don't hate you, Lau-Lorenzo," she said, almost with disgust. I could only hope that it was because she was close to saying Lauren and not because she had  to say Lorenzo. She wasn't the happiest in finding out about me, but she was trying. That is all that mattered right? She was trying. Unlike my father who immediately signed me up to the army without permission and wanted me out of his sight as soon as possible.

I could only close my eyes as tears were beginning to well.

Months Earlier...

We all sat down at the dinner table as we just came back from Chuck's football game. His team had lost the game but he had put all his effort and the only thing that could cheer him up was pizza, as he would say.

I had served myself as I sat myself by my mother who only gave me soft green eyes as she knew two slices of pizza won't fill an empty stomach. I looked down at my food as I heard everyone have small talk. I felt ready to tell them but at the same time would everything play out perfectly just like in my head?

Would they still be here? Would they still call me theirs? Would they still love me? Would they still hold me? Would they still talk to me? Would they still support me? Would they still believe in me? Would they still care about me? Would they still be with me? Would they still be the same? Will anything stay the same?

All the questions that I had answered yes spread through my brain as the answers were now no. My heart started to race and my palms were now drenched with my sweat. I quickly put my hands on my pants and started to wipe away the nerves that had escaped my grasp. I started to take deep breaths as if I was going to pass out right here at the diner table, please God no.

"Lauren, how did you feel about the game?" I heard my father say but I had looked at him as if he had said that from miles away. My thoughts had started to run every bad scenario that could ever play played. It almost felt like a dream, I looked up as I see Chuck mumble something but I couldn't hear him. This is really happening, I thought as I swallowed what I could only describe as a desert in my throat.

Say it, tell them, come on now! I had thought in my head as I heard my father's words fill my ears. I looked back down as I saw my pizza slowly go away from me. It was like I was on a strange trip of acid but it was only me panicking. I looked up as I saw everyone look at me with concerned eyes. 

"You okay, dude?" Chuck said with an eyebrow raised as if he was ready to run to the phone to call 911. I looked at my mother who's green eyes turned into an almost light brown color, it was the look of worry. I looked at my father as I saw his face turn pale, he was never one to help in these situations it was as if he was also panicking himself.