One Shots

update on my shitty life.

hello, it is i, noah.

i've been trying to write for the past couple of weeks due to having lots of inspiration. but that was all gone on friday (May 17, i think i am not a calendar). why? because i think whoever is in charge with life really hates my guts or really likes me completely messed up in the head.

i have been trying to stay calm and collected but my emotions have truly gotten the best of me and now i stand here with cuts littered around my chest. which is a bad thing because i have been clean for so fucking long. and seeing myself like this brings tears to my eyes.

but as i stand here today, i am a lot calmer and want to write but i know every story that i have already started continues to go down a very negative path. i love tragic stories but i know plenty of you don't. so i am not going to write until i have a positive mind. 

am i going on hiatus? no. (although it looks like i am with my huge breaks, just here to tell you i get distracted easily and i forget completely that i write).

i am writing books actually just not on here due to wanting to finish them and then posting it on here for your #camren pleasure. because when i start out they are not #camren but original characters.

do i want to after having this very traumatic experience? god yes. i really want to just disappear but i know for my own good that is not a healthy choice. because my family, well we need each other more than anything right now.

i don't like my life at the moment, i feel uncomfortable, my anxiety is worse than ever. but i am trying to stay positive. because this shit will go away. i really fucking hope it goes away.

why am i confessing this to everyone who is gonna read this? because if you have been here from the beginning then you know a lot about me from back in the day. but i just i wanted you guys to know because i consider you guys complete strangers. and sometimes a strangers comment can really go a long way.

um, i do have two one shots almost ready to go and i think one of them will be depressing so i am preparing you for that. i don't know when that will go up, i really hope tomorrow. but um i am not okay and that is okay.

i am hurt, angry, sad, and completely filled with stressed. i appreciate every one of you and you all deserve happiness. i hope life treats you better than what it is treating me right now. i hope to god no one ever goes through what my family are going through. 

and i hope for the life of me you guys find the light at the end of the tunnel because although right now it doesn't seem like the light is coming any closer to me, it is going to arrive and it will be the best day of your life.

thank you for reading my rants, for everything honestly.

you guys are the best.

i am not okay but that is okay. i will be okay. i promise you.

and tomorrow i hope a one shot goes up because i need the distraction but i am not sure it will come as fast as i want it to be.

but thank you.

much love from your favorite trans boy,

noah x rodriguez.