"I think we should break up."
I never thought that I would ever say those word to Jimin. Even with him sitting across from me on the couch, his eyes watering and his breath intake quickening, I still couldn't believe I was really doing this.
I didn't want to break up, but there was no way around it. We both wanted the same things but I couldn't give him the thing he needed; a child.
The negative pregnancy test sat in the trash bin next to a broken soap dish I had thrown in frustration. After trying for the last seven months, I still couldn't get pregnant. I knew how much Jimin wanted a baby. He would reassure me that it would happen at the right time but in my heart I knew that there would never be a right time. I couldn't let him continue to have hope in our relationship when it would never work.
"Where is this coming from? Did I do something to upset you? Just tell me and we can work through this."
"We can't work through this Jimin. I don't want to be with you anymore. You're always busy and you never have time for me. I can't live always being second to your career." I lied. Deep down I knew that if I ever asked, Jimin would give up anything to be with me, but not a child. I couldn't do that to him.
Jimin scooted closer to me on the couch. His eyes were darting as he struggled not to cry. I however already had a few tears leaving a trail down my cheek. He held my hands to his chest.
"That's not what this is about."
I looked away. My expressions always gave away my deception.
"Look at me," he pleaded, cupping my chin to face him.
"What is this really about?" he asked.
I roughly pushed the hand wiping my tears and stood up, walking away from him.
"You're right, it isn't about you being away. It's about the pressure you put on me to get pregnant!"
I'm yelling, now. My forehead is flaming and my hand begins to tremble.
"Do you not want kids?" Jimin looked so hurt but he wouldn't let me go unless I looked him in the eye and broke his heart.
"I don't want your kids."
It was painful to get those words out. As they left my lips and reached Jimin, and I saw the pain of my words reflected on his face, I felt a knife slide down my throat.
"I never knew you felt this way." He said in a low voice.
He took in a deep breath.
"If children is something you don't want then we can work it out. We don't have to do this right now. You might change your mind in the future."
"I will never change my mind Jimin. This is just the tipping point in our relationship. I can't be with you anymore."
"Y/N listen to me. I'll try and take more time off work or maybe work harder so I don't have to practice so late. I'll talk to my managers about us taking more time off. I won't even mention kids unless you initiate it or are ready to. Please just don't leave me."
I turned away from him and he got up to hug me from behind.
"Please, Y/N. I know we can get through this. I never meant to pressure you."
I brushed him off, rougher this time.
"It doesn't matter if you meant to or not; you did. I can't be with someone who has to change for me. I don't need you to wait for me to be ready for something I never will be. We're done Jimin."
I walked over to the front door, unlocked it and swung it open.
Jimin stays frozen in his spot.
"Leave Jimin."
I walk over and grab his jacket from the couch and push him out the door. Tears are streaming rapidly down his cheeks.
Finally out of his daze, his eyes dart and he begins to panic, realizing that I'm serious.
"Y/N, don't do this to us-"
I pick up his shoes, throw them at his feet, slamming the door in his face and cutting him off mid sentence.
It's silent after that. I wait until his shadow disappears and the sound of his footsteps die down before I allow myself to curl up on the floor and cry.
-
It's been two weeks since I broke up with Jimin and things have been far from good. My sister said I lost a lot of weight and I haven't really been out of the house. Everything reminds me of him. The smell of coffee reminds me of the time he brought my entire work staff Starbucks because we were working late. Rain reminds me of the time we planned to go the amusement park but couldn't because of a storm so we just built a fort in our living room and watched 80's movies the entire day. Speaking of 80's movies, I couldn't even watch my favorite one because it reminded me of the time Jimin had a theatre privately screen it for us on our second anniversary.
Just thinking about him hurts because I start to remember the way he looked the last time I saw him, when I broke his heart.
I get a notification on my phone which draws me from my thoughts. It's my period reminder. I'm six days late now.
At first I thought it was stress because of everything that happened with Jimin and not getting pregnant but now a plethora of "what ifs" cascade my mind.
I rush to the bathroom and rummage through my cupboard and look for the extra pregnancy test I bought about a month ago.
I take the test and five minutes later, I am greeted by a red plus sign on the white stick.
I hold my breath and back up into the bathroom wall. What have I done?
"Jimin.." I whisper.
--
I trudge my way to the door of Bangtan's dorm. My feet shake in my shoes and my hands fidget as I contemplate knocking on the door.
I'm terrified. Jimin probably hates me. I can't blame him. I was cruel to him, kicking him out of the house with such hateful words.
I hope he'll understand where I'm coming from. But at the same time, I feel like I don't deserve him. I was willing to give up on us and now that things are the way I want them, I want him back. He deserves someone stronger than me.
I turn to walk away when the door swings open. It's Jungkook.
"Y/N. What are you doing here?" He says coldly.
He crosses arms over his chest. Usually Jungkook is always so kind to me. He's probably the member I'm closest to. Was closest to.
"I need to talk to Jimin."
"He doesn't want to see you. You should go. Now." His voice is authoritative even though I am two years his senior.
Taehyung appears in the doorway, and moves to stand next to Jungkook, creating a barrier between me and the dorm.
"Y/N, you have a lot of nerve showing up here." Taehyung sneers.
"I-I j-just wanted to see J-jimin,' I stutter.
"Who's there?"
"Hyung it's no one Jungkook says moving to block Jimin from seeing me.
Taehyung motions for me to leave, but I can't. Jimin has to know I'm carrying his child.
"Jimin, it's me."
I glance at Taehyung and if looks could kill, I'd be six feet under.
Jimin pushes past Jungkook to see me. He looks tired and worn out. I feel so guilty looking at him. He might have lost even more weight than I have.
"Y/N.." He breathes. For a split second I think he's happy to see me, but then his expression shifts and his lips tighten.
"Hyung, you don't have to talk to her." Jungkook says, putting a hand on Jimin's arm.
"Go inside." Jimin says sternly, not taking his eyes off of me.
Taehyung and Jungkook obey and go back inside, closing the door behind them, leaving Jimin and I standing in an empty hallway.
"Why are you here?" Jimin says. His voice is low and distant.
I pull out a blue box I tied with a white ribbon and hold it out to him.
Jimin takes the box out of my hand and waves it around.
"What the fuck is this supposed to be? A present? Are you fucking stupid? You break up with me and then come back with a box and expect everything to be okay?"
"Jimin it's not what you think it is-"
"Shut the fuck up Y/N. I'm over you. Like you said, we're done." At those last two words Jimin throws the box at my feet, the way I did with his shoes.
He moves to go back in the house so I quickly open the box and whip out the pregnancy test.
"I'm pregnant!"
Jimin stops in his tracks, his hand frozen on the door knob. He turns his head slowly to face me.
He stalks back over to me, and grabs the stick from my hand and examines it.
"I-I don't understand. You said that-"
"I know. I checked that day and it said I wasn't but I guess it was wrong or faulty. I only broke up with you so harshly so that you wouldn't wait for me. I felt like I was holding you back from having what you really wanted and I love you so much and I never wanted you to have to give up something so important to you. I'm so sorry Jimin, I never wanted to hurt you. I understand if you never want to see me again-"
My rambled cry is cut off by Jimin's lips. His hands hold my face to his as he movies his lips against mine. I feel our tears mix together when I melt into the kiss and throw my arms around him.
He pulls away after what feels like forever and holds me to his chest.
He doesn't say anything and neither do I. Our silence is everything.
-FOUR MONTHS LATER
Jimin swings my hand in his as we walk around the elaborate children's shop.
"This elephant is cute. It'll match the animal theme we have going on." Jimin says but I'm miles away from this conversation.
I'm staring at myself in the mirror. More specifically I'm staring at my protruding stomach.
Jimin catches me and puts his arms around me from behind. He hums into my neck.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks, placing a kiss on my shoulder.
"About all the clothes I won't be able to fit into." I sigh.
"What are you thinking about?" I ask.
"That you look cute with a baby bump."
