Yoongi had never been the most attentive of boyfriends-you knew that well. You had been dating him for almost two years, just recently moving into his apartment.
He worked as a music producer, often engrossing himself in his work and neglecting his own health. There would be weeks where Yoongi hardly came home, barely acknowledging you.
He made up for those difficult weeks by being perfect to you afterwards. It wasn't the ideal situation, but you loved Yoongi and would rather wait for him.
Currently, you were going through a rather difficult stretch in your relationship. Yoongi had been producing a new album for an upcoming hip-hop group called BTS. He was also creating his own mixtape on the side.
This time, however, you were happy about your boyfriend's absence. You had a lot to reflect on.
After all, you had an aching suspicion that you were pregnant.
Your period was late. Very late. At first, you attributed it to stress from your own job and Yoongi. But it was far passed the point of stress now.
A few days ago, you had bought a pregnancy test. It was sitting on the bathroom counter, and you stood opposite of it, trying to build up the confidence to confirm your suspicions.
Eventually, you brought yourself to do it. And, indeed, a few minutes later, the small test you held in your hand read positive.
That night, you cried yourself to sleep. Yoongi hadn't come home. The only comfort you could find was in the warmth of your empty bed, pretending the blankets pulled around you were Yoongi's embrace.
-
The next morning, you woke up to an intense bout of nausea. Rushing to the washroom, you emptied the contents of your stomach into the toilet. Violent wretches raked through your weak frame.
You knew immediately that this was morning sickness. Your older sister had had a baby a few years ago, and you helped her throughout her pregnancy.
On shaky legs, you lifted yourself up and flushed the toilet. You tried removing the bitter aftertaste from your mouth with cold water.
You had to tell Yoongi. You could already guess how he would react. He didn't want children-not yet-and he didn't want to settle down, either.
But where did that leave you?
With trembling hands, you picked up your cell phone from your nightstand. Sitting down on your bed, you dialed Yoongi's number. Your phone rang for ages, and you were afraid he wasn't going to answer at all.
"Y/N?" Yoongi called, his voice tired and scratchy. "I'm at work right now. What do you need?"
"Are you coming home soon?" you asked, keeping your tone steady.
"Probably in an hour or two," your boyfriend answered. "Why?"
"I just need to talk to you," you whispered. You began to pull the phone away from your ear, moving to hang up. "I'll see you later. I love you."
A few hours later, Yoongi did come home. His haggard frame appeared in the doorway. You were waiting for him in the living room. As he moved closer, you could see the dark circles ringing his eyes.
"Hey," he rasped, his voice probably overused from rapping.
Wordlessly, you handed him your pregnancy test. He regarded it with a blank expression. Then, he laughed coldly, throwing the pregnancy test onto the coffee table.
"What the fuck, Y/N?" Yoongi demanded, running his hands through his hair. "I can't believe you're carrying my child."
"I know," you whispered, un-shed tears clouding your vision. "I'm sorry. I just took the test this morning."
"Are you sure?" Yoongi choked out. "You're sure this thing is right?"
You nodded. "I'm having morning sickness already," you admitted. You looked up at your boyfriend, meeting his eye for the first time. "Yoongi, I don't know what to do! I know-"
"Y/N, you know where I stand," Yoongi interrupted, rubbing his hand over his face. "You know I can't do this with you, not right now."
"What does that mean for me?" you asked, already knowing the answer.
Yoongi was silent for a few moments. "If you want to have this baby," he finally spoke, "then you can't be with me."
A single tear escaped from the corner of your eye. You tilted your head up, looking at the ceiling. "Okay," you breathed, and the finality of this statement shattered your heart into pieces.
You packed as much as you could into one suitcase. Earlier, you texted your sister to let her know you needed to crash with her for awhile. As you collected your belongings, you couldn't help but entertain the "what ifs" running through your mind.
What if you had never gotten pregnant? What if Yoongi loved you enough to let you stay?
Eventually, with your luggage in tow, you met Yoongi by the front door.
"I guess this is goodbye," you said, looking at your feet. Yoongi nodded but didn't say a word. He opened the door for you, moving aside to let you pass.
"Do you remember what I told you when we first started dating?" Yoongi asked suddenly, his voice somber. "I told you to never ask me to choose between music and you."
"Because music would win every time," you said, completing Yoongi's thought. The tears you had been holding in finally escaped, cascading down your face. "Goodbye, Yoongi. Good luck with everything."
-
Yoongi released his mixtape a few weeks later. You opened your laptop and streamed it immediately, missing the sound of his voice. The title of one track caught your eye.
First Love.
You moved the cursor to begin playing it. You wondered if the song would be about you.
Soon, you were hit by the harsh reality of things. Yoongi's deep voice flooded through your speakers, but his guttural voice only made your heart ache. Yoongi rapped passionately about his one and only love, music.
It was then that you realized you there was no room for you in Yoongi's life-or his heart. You could only be grateful that he shared a part of himself with you for the short amount of time that you dated.
In the end, you were happy to carry Yoongi's child-if that meant having something to remember him by.
