In My Mind: The World From The View Of A Pessimistic Optimist

To That Special Someone (02/06/2017)

As I'm writing this I can see the sun start to rise and the world begins to grow so bright. And in that moment I can feel inside me that the time is right. Because even though I don't get to see you as often as I'd wish, You give me something to look forward to. You give me new words for love and uses for old Kodaks. Because you help make it seem like love lasts longer than life. See in me I know that my love is unwavering and I know that I may be difficult to deal with at times because of how easily I let myself get buried in my own thoughts and forget to respond but in those thoughts I'm often thinking of you.

In my mind, at night I have to sit back and thank God for you because every so often I have to stop and remind myself that you are real, that this beautiful girl that became my best friend before the love of my life is not just a figment of my imagination that turned so real. This girl that excites me for tomorrow whenever I am away from her because tomorrow is another day, another hour, minute, second closer to her is the same girl that that when I'm with her makes me wish tomorrow never comes.

But in that thought, what if tomorrow never comes? What if the day we met, you didn't leave the thought inside of me that you were someone that I should, could or would never forget? What if tomorrow never came? And we never became friends, and your infectious personality didn't get the chance to bring a smile to my face. What if tomorrow never came? And I didn't notice the grace and beauty of this girl with a flawless face? What if tomorrow never came? And I never wanted to always leave a smile upon her face? What if tomorrow never came? And I didn't get the chance to fully realize that I was losing myself in the past chasing a halo that just wasn't meant for me to have yet? What if tomorrow never came and we never had the chance to experience life as we know it? To experience the sunny days and the rain, the happiness and the pain?

What if;
What if tomorrow never came and we never knew where to stand at for us to gain in the experience of living and loving and the passion of emotion and feelings and the joy of breathing, seeing, imagining?

See no one knows if we'll see tomorrow, or that our hearts would stop and those who care are to feel sorrow. But if tomorrow never comes I'll remember the happiness that you gave me. I'll remember the passion that you bestowed upon me, the interaction between you and me. I'll remember the 10000 plus hours, the three years, 1000+ days, the 1,440,000+ seconds since we met to be the happiest that I ever had, even if I was sad. And know that it didn't take 10000 hours for me to want to count every minute, every second until I get to see you again, that in this moment, I am so in love with you that I want to see the sky turn blue, for many more days, nights and twilights.

I remember when sadness was second nature and it looked like I was going to run a marathon standing upright without ever tripping, stumbling or falling in love. Then you came along and helped me believe again and stuck your foot out and tripped me and I fell in love with you like I was wishing upon a star. And yes my queen, you are a star, because you are my sun as I am your moon, and your smile causes the world to gravitate and me to rotate as well.

From the beauty of a celestial love, to the flight of the city dove, I just want to sing, happy anniversary to you my queen.

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This was written for my girlfriend. I'm sharing it now to be able to come back and revisit this whenever I can instead of needing to be on my laptop.
None of these emotions have really left either, and even to this day I mean every word of this poem to her.