The raw truth of it all is:
It's bad when you can't trust yourself to be you.
When you've grown to hate yourself so much that you don't try to fight, don't try to argue or anything.
You just take what's handed to you.
It's bad when you have grown so used to being the butt of everybody's jokes. When you have grown used to being put down and abused, physically verbally and mentally by your brothers, parents, friends, classmates, hell even yourself.
It's bad that I've gotten so used to the evil within me that I don't even see the good anymore.
It's bad that I don't look in the mirror anymore because I don't want to face the person that stares back at me. I still can't stand the person inside me, I've turned all the mirrors around.
I'm standing up, yet I'm falling down. I'm wide awake, yet stuck in a nightmare. My Dreams can't ever become reality. I feel better when I am in pain, yet pain isn't painful anymore.
What do you do when you are never good enough. When everything you do for you is wrong, is bad, selfish, evil, stupid, idiotic, pointless, or just condemned because those that are supposed to mean the most to you don't think it good.
Do you know how many times I've been told that I am not making wise decisions. How many times I've been told I can't be me? It's bad that I've started to believe them, that I've started to think that everything would be better off if I was ****.
Yes it's bad, but that doesn't stop any of it from being true, or from being me. Because at the end of the day, I'm not in control of me. I'm not in control of anything. My happiness. My time. I'm just a walking minion. Just a kid who's tired of being yelled at. Tired of fighting for being who he wants to be. Tired of everything. Sleep has become my favorite thing to do. My Dreams are the only place that I'm happy and my family makes me feel like a tragedy. A tragedy that's ready for his final ****
So how bad do you think it is for you to trust me to be happy, when I don't even trust myself to smile?
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Double upload today. The first was meant to release last night. This one is just how I feel.
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In My Mind: The World From The View Of A Pessimistic Optimist
PoesiaThere are those that can see all the beauty of the world without hesitation. There are those who only see the negative of the world that they have been placed in. This is my view of the world's beauty in the pain of my situation. This. Is me.
