♚Perfect Tragedy♚||emon<Minizerk||

{9}

TRIGGER WARNING
October 16, 2017
Ethan's pov

My head was spinning as I sat on my bed, my thoughts running wild. My chest was concaving into itself, and I was struggling to breathe. Simon told me he was on his way. That we had to talk about our relationship. I knew things werent going very well, but I didn't expect him to give up this fast. There was a loud slam on my front door, making me jump out of my skin. I didn't want to confront him, I wanted to forget this all happened. But still, i opened the door, and the sight before me was not the Simon I knew. He pushed past me, his face filled with anger.
"What the hell were you doing with harry last night?" He sneered, spitting as he spoke. I was taken a back at the time of his voice, completely at a lose for words.
"Fucking answer me. What were you doing with him? Did you fuck him? Fuck his pretty little ass, forgot about your own boyfriend." He spat venom at me, not letting me say anything.
"You aren't slick, I know you have. Look at you. You look ready to be fucked." Simon licked his lips, his pale face now burning red.
"I wasn't fucking harry. We were filming a video and it got carried away, that picture was a joke." I responded quietly to him, not wanting to make the argument worse than it was. That's didn't help.
"Ethan don't fucking lie to me. All you've been doing is being a whiny ass pussy, telling me I'm with josh too much. New flash behzy, I live with him." His voice was getting louder and louder, and I couldn't move. I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay right here, with my eyes closed until he left. But he continued to bash me, and by the end of the argument I was crushed.
"Simon, get the fuck out." I hissed, tears rolling down my face. He nodded, storming out the door and slamming it in my face. Just as he left I broke down.
I didn't want to be here anymore
Take me away
What did I do to make him act like this
It's my fault, I didn't try hard enough
I want to die
I want to die
I don't want to be here
Let me leave
Please please
My head was spinning, my hands shaking violently in my lap. My lip quivered as I sat on the floor, voices swimming in my head, shouting things at me. I suddenly bolted up, walking to the kitchen. My hands made it hard to open anything, but once I opened the cupboard, my only thought was to get some relief.
I had fucked up, and I wanted to take it all out of me. I looked around, slashing through the cupboard for the knives. I slammed it shut in defeat, not being able to find them. I replayed every moment from the last few months, and everything added up to me not being here. I leaned against the wall of my bathroom, crying into the cool wallpaper. My hand reached out and slammed into the wall, leaving a major dent. I felt relief, but I needed more.
I looked at my self in the mirror, fully seeing what a mess I had become. I scrambled through my medicine cabinet, giddy when I found a splurge of colourful pills. I grabbed them all, shuffling to my room. I grabbed a pen and paper, and decided to write a letter to each of the sidemen. To thank them for what they have done for me and to thank them for what they did to me.
Simon; he broke me
Josh; Ruined me
Nobody helped in the case that they witnessed Simon fall for him.
Then it hit me all over again, drowning me for the second time tonight. The flush of tears started over and I couldn't stop, I didn't want to stop.
I ended up in the corner, the pills spilled out in front of me, water by my side. I struggled to breathe as my eyes flicked from the locked door to the window next to me.
I could jump.
I'm high enough not to make it
I could feel the pain as I float away
Hot tears filled my open mouth, salty and thin.
"You can make it Ethan. You have people who care about you. People love you." I tried talking myself out of it. But that didn't work. I got to my feet, stumbling as I shakily unlocked the door and headed to Harry's.
Maybe he can help
Maybe he can save me
Maybe he is the one person who cares
I lazily carried my feet as I knocked on his door.
One knock; no answer
Second knock; no answer
I gave up, slowly walking back to my flat in hopes the door will fly open and he will save me from this. But it didn't, and once again I was stuck in my recording room, but this time. The pills were in my hands. I rolled a pill filled with tiny yellow balls, not remembering how I obtained them but suddenly glad I did. I set one on my tongue, rolling it around my mouth. It didn't melt as the capsule met my warm tongue, so I set another, and another, til my mouth was filled with multiple pills. I picked up the water, closing my eyes. Tears dripped onto my bare legs as I brought the cup to my lips, letting the water flow around the pills. I gulped them down, letting out a loud sigh as I sat there.
I felt nothing, an empty shell. This is who I was now, for the last months I was nothing but an empty shell. I closed my eyes, feeling them get heavier, and my blood became cool as ice, rushing through my veins in an intoxicating fashion. I licked my cracked lips, a sad smile set upon my face as I leaned against a bean bag, letting whatever happen to me begin.

That was the last time I woke up.
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Okay, wow. I don't know what to say but there it is. The chapter that sets the whole book into motion. God this took so long to write, and it's still shitty.