Lamahista
Kabanata Labing-Apat
I was awaken by a phone call this morning. Pinilit ko buksan ang mata ko upang makita ang caller ID. It was Mom.
“We need to talk, hija.” Her voice was gentle. But do we really need to talk? At 5:45 in the morning?
“Sure, Ma. Sure.” Kaswal kong sagot habang marahang tumatayo mula sa kama. Careful not to awake Eros. I know he’s tired. Nakatulog ako kagabi kakahintay sa kanya na umuwi galing sa paghahanap niya ng trabaho. I guess he went home late.
“It’s about your Kuya..” She was breathless. Merong kakaiba sa tono niya na wala sa mga nakaraan naming pag-uusap na involve ang kapatid ko.
Of,course. Ely. Ely na naman.
“What about him?” I tried. I tried not to sound so bitter or annoyed but I failed. “I mean, may bago bang balita, Ma? Ha-ha. Of course may bago na namang balita. Lagi namang may bagong balita. What I really mmean is, may mahihita ba tayo sa balitang yan? Ilang pera na naman ba ang gagastusin niyo para diyan? Gaano kalaking katangahan na naman ba ang papairalin niyo sa paghahanap sa kanya this time? Goodness, Ma! Hindi na kayo natuto. My brother obviously doesn’t want to be part of this family! If this is even a family.” Then I cried. Bigla na lang lumabas sa bibig ko ang mga salitang hindi ko pinaghandaan. It was like I was injected by a truth serum. “If things were in different circumstances at ako nasa kalalagayan niya, I wouldn’t want to be part of this family also.”
Mom was trying to mumble to something but I don’t want to hear anything from her at the moment. Tinapos ko ang tawag.
I am frustrated about everything. Ang unang sinaksak ng mga magulang ko sa kamalayan ko ay ang maghanap ng nawawalang kapatid. At sinunod ko iyon. At least for 21 years. Pero hindi na ngayon. I should have my own life. Ang buhay na hindi na nakatahi sa nakaraang mahirap i-tama. To hell with finding Ely. He can suck his own dick while running away from us for all he want. Our parents obviously care a lot about him but not me. Not his own little sister anymore.
“Hey..”
I jerk up. Not wanting to be seen crying and weak. “Hey.”
He inhaled sharply as I turn to face him. His arms collided in front of his chest while leaning against the door frame. Alam kong kanina pa siya nandun at malamang ay narinig niya rin ang mga sinabi ko kay Mama. But I don’t want to talk about it. That’s a part of my life I want to sequester from him.
“I’m sorry..” For a moment there, I thought he was sorry for what he heard. And I hoped not, coz I can’t stand false sympathy from a guy who can’t understand a ‘family thing’. “… hindi na kita ginising kagabi. You were asleep. Thank you for waiting.”
Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at lumapit palapit sa kanya. “How’d you know I was waiting for you?” Tanong ko sa isang mapaghamon na tono.
He grabbed me by the waist and I almost lost my balance but he saved me. By squeezing my butt. “Well. The dining table explains a lot. Are you planning to ask me on a candle light dinner last night?”
Holy. I forgot. Sa kakahintay sa kanya kagabi, I decided to read something for a while in my room hanggang sa makatulog ako.
“Kumain ka?” Tanong ko. Pilit na inaalis ang hiya sa pisngi.
“No.” Sabi niya habang inaabot ang mga buhok ko sa gilid. “Foods were untouched. Figured you weren’t able to eat too. So I joined you.”
“Wow. That is so cheesy. I almost throw up inside my mouth.” He throw his head backwards and laughed. And I throw my head forward and kissed his chin and I laughed too. At ganon ganon lang, nabura na ni Eros ang bad vibes na dala ng isang phone call.
Kumain kami ng umagahan sa dining table na hinanda ko kagabi. Hindi na namin ininit ang pagkain at hindi ko naman siya narining na nag-complain. Actually, wala akong nariining na kahit ano sa kanya while we’re eating. Parang malayo ang iniisip niya.
“Eros.” I called him. He looked up to but his eyes were still unattended. Sinawsaw ko ang daliri ko sa tubig ang pinitik sa kanya. “Gising ka na?” Tanong ko.
“Baby, may ibang paraang naman ng paggising sakin. Pero pareho lang din naman ng effect, mababasa rin ako.” Ngumisi siya. Pero hindi non naalis ang atensyon ko sa ikinikilos niyang pagka-seryoso.
“Shut up. What happened?” Parang nagulat siya sa tanong ko. Nagsalubong ang kilay niya at tuminigin sa ibang direksyon. “I’m asking you, you know.”
Tiningnan niya ko muli. Tila binabalanse niya kung sasabihin niya bas a akin o hindi. Ibinaba ko ang tea cup na iniinuman ako at nag-ayos ng upo. Gesturing him to go on and tell me.
“I’m not a degree holder, you know.” Sabi niya habang nililipat-lipat ang mata sa plato niya at sa akin.
“And?” I asked.
He let out a frustrated sigh and leaned towards me, holding my gaze. “And I can’t be hired! Not for a formal or decent position. If not as a secretary, they want me as a chair and they would sit on my lap while twisting their butts on me all day! Can you believe that?” Mukha siyang inosenteng bata. But that won’t work on me.
I leaned forward too. Our faces are now just inch away. “Why not take it? Isn’t that what you want? Easy money.”
Tinignan niya ko ng masama and he said through gritted teeth, “Shut up, Preshiela.”
I raised my hand in the universal gesture of surrender. “Okay, Dude. Chill.”
Bumalik siya sa pagkain niya ng walang sabi sabi. At nakita kong may mabigat nga talaga sa loob niya para patahimikin ako sa ganoong paraan. Dahan dahan kong isinandal ang likod ko sa upuan at may pumasok na ideya sa isip ko. “Your problem is not a dead end, you know.” Sabi ko at tinignan niya ko na para ba kong tinubuan ng isa pang ulo. “Let’s get you a degree if that’s the only way for those pedophile to stop wanting to squeeze their butts on you. Because that butt is my butt too, you know.”
I smiled warmly at him. “I don’t have the money to continue my study, Preshiela.”
“Continue? Where did you stop?” Tanong ko.
“Second year college second sem.” Walang kagana-gana niiyang sabi. “Nahuli kasi yung nagpapa-aral sa akin ng mister niya. Of course she’d have to cut my finances or her husband would cut her tits. That was five years ago.”
Ow. Ngayon, yan ang tinatawag kong bagong balita.
“Good then.” Sabi ko. “You don’t have to start from scratch. You can take summer classes para mahabol yung hindi mo natapos ng first sem.”
He looked at me unbelievably. “Yes, my dear. You are going to enroll and I am going to pay for it.”
