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8. The real reason

Flashback: The day of the accident

Brett held me tightly as I broke down into tears after bottling them up for so long. Kiya hurt me, he humiliated me. He liked to call himself a nerd and I like to call him a dickhead. He was such a LIAR. He ruined my innocence, he ruined everything!
Brett picked me up and carried me away from Kiya and everyone else whom was disappearing from the food court.
I was so furious and upset with that little fucker, such a little bitch.
Brett placed me oh-so very carefully into the seat and i noticed Lacy was in the back asleep.
I met Brett a few months ago, after Kiya had used me, i don't know why i didn't leave. i was so stupid.
Brett looked after me. I started falling for him, when i finally broke up with Kiya he seemed way too calm with it, I was nervous. But I started hanging with Brett so much, I constantly ran into Kiya. Soon i realised why Brett was there that night. Brett and Kiya were brothers.

Kiya had invited me to go to the food court with him because he wanted to apologise. I was so wrong, so very wrong.

He humiliated me, Brett saved me from him and now we were driving back home.
Until we were T-boned, it hit Brett's side but he threw himself onto me and protected me. The car flipped and we were upside down.
My head was spinning until my eyes landed on the guy in the car, Kiya.
I twisted my neck to the side to see Lacy crying. I lifted my arm to the belt and pressed down the button making me fall out of my seat and land on glass, excruciating pain electrocuted its way through my back. I grabbed Lacy and held her close before pushing her out of the car and made her sit away from it. I crawled to Brett and undid his belt before catching him.
"I love you" he whispered
"I love you too" i whisper, tears going down my cheeks.
I pull him out of the car and drag him to Lacy. I hold him close into my lap, Lacy sitting beside me as i wrapped my arms around Brett. Tears streaming faster down my face and I could feel the sea salt entering my mouth and i couldn't stop, I put my chin on his head and hold him tighter to my chest, feeling his smallest breaths against my skin and his hair sticking to my damp chin.
"i love you so much" I say trembling.
" i love you so, so much. I'm so sorry" I keep repeating.
Lacy cuddles me and I wrap my arm around Lacy and bring her closer to me, hearing sirens in the background. I couldn't stop crying,
"this is all my fault" I keep saying, crying even more. I started hyperventilating and I had to hold Brett tighter, trying to clam myself down. I could feel the glass in my back move around every time i moved. "I am so so sorry" I whisper to him rocking us back and forth, the pain in my back was blocked out by the pain in my heart. My chest being ripped open, my heart shredded into pieces. It hurt. A lot.
"Carmen?" a voice asks so huskily, so faint, so pain-filled.
"Brett?" i ask crying even more.
"it was not your fault, its all mine. i shouldn't have met you. I shouldn't have saved you that night. But I did. I'm glad i did, and now my time is up. I love you since I first saw you, when your mother died" he coughed "I watched how much pain you were in, it kind of looked like the pain you feel now" he ends quietly
"it is painful, more painful than my mother dying. I cant do this" my voice so breathless and shaky.
"I should've told you about my brother from day one. Just know one thing" he says slowly wincing
"i love you" I say hugging him tighter
"i love you alot" he whispers before his body went limp.
"no" i say quietly "no no" I continue "no no NO!" i shout the last bit and i start shaking him.
i was hurled away from him as the ambulance dragged him to the van.

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PRESENT:

Tears streamed down my face as I remembered that day. That day was all my fault.
I drew back the curtain and wiped my tears, stepping out onto the balcony floors, a shiver going up the spine of my back, the night sky shining down on me as if not to give up hope.
Smoking away my feelings, I became numb, I stared ahead admiring the view.
I just want to be with him again, I miss him so much. i shouldn't be so upset alot. But I am.
"One day" I murmur

I turn around and made my way inside, closing the door and laying in bed.
I never told Lacy the real reason to why I smoke. I want to be with them -my mum and Brett- but i don't wanna leave Lacy. I wont leave until she is okay by herself. I am not leaving until I defiantly know she wont mind me going.

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