Why Love When Its Hopeless?

Chapter 30

~Shelby's POV~

After Justin had calmed down, we just sat on my bed. I was holding him and not say anything. Justin doesn't have his concert until tomorrow. We are staying here in Orlando for 3 more days. So Justin has another concert on the last day. Since we didn't do anything today. I am glad I might have a chance to go to Disney World. Maybe with Justin, but he will most likely be too busy. Maybe I could just go with Fredo and Ryan.

Justin shifted in my arms, sighing after getting comfortable. I am wanting to say something, but I'm not sure what exactly. I started to play with Justin's hair as he laid his head on my chest. I really hope he can't hear how fast my heart beat is pounding. I always get this way when I'm around him. Justin chuckled, causing me to stop playing with his hair.

"What's so funny?" I laughed a little at him, looking down at him. He moved his head so he was looking up at me, with a kind smile on his face. I smiled down at him, loving how he smiled and that he was happy.

"Why is your heart pounding so much?" He asked, turning a little bit. Seriousness in his voice as he stared up at me. I could feel my heart pounding even more, if that was possible. I cleared my throat, deciding whether to tell him the truth or not. But yet, I don't think I could ever lie to him.

"Um, my heart always beats fast when I think of you, or when I'm around you. I always get nervous when your around." I whispered, but loud enough for him to hear. I said it so shyly, I felt my cheeks warm up. Justin chuckled, as he sat up in front of me.

"Stop laughing! It's not funny!" I said giggling, taking a pillow and covering my warm face with it  so Justin couldn't see me blush.

"Actually it's kinda cute that you get nervous around me." Justin said once he stopped chuckling. I took the pillow off of my face and sat it down on my lap, my hands resting on top. Justin had scooted closer to me, grabbing my hand and setting it on his knee. He looked me straight in my eyes. He had a small smile on his face, as if the thoughts in his head were causing him to.

"You know, we should get to know each other. I mean more than we do now." Justin says, as we just sat there. Now I was getting even more nervous. There is so many things, and secrets that no one knows, but Kierstin and my mom. But I trust Justin with my life, so I can trust him with my darkest secrets.

"Justin, since you said that. I might as well tell you everything about me." I told him, looking down at my lap, not wanting to look him in the eye. I am going to tell him about my condition, but not about Jacob, Eddie's brother. I don't want Justin to get involved in anyway.

"You already know about my 'problem' as in my depression," I said, looking down, ashamed. 

Justin cut in, "It's not a problem, it's who you are. You are strong and you can fight it. I'm here to help as well. I'll always be here for you Shelby. Never forget that." He reassured, taking my hand in his, caressing it with his thumb. I lightly smile, looking at our hands, but it faded when I remembered I have to tell him about the disease.

"But there is something else you need to know. Nobody but Kierstin, and  my mom know." I said, looking at Justin. He was looking at me with a curious look in his eyes, but when a small sparkle in his eye revealed itself, it pushed me to go on.

"I have a medical condition. It's not that bad really. But it does affect me in a way I can't help, though." I said looking down at our hands. Justin scooted closer, sitting right in front of me. He took a hold of both of my hands, squeezing them to show that he is still listening. I took a deep, shaky breath and held in the tears that threatened to pool into my eyes.

"I have hypothyroidism. Pretty much what is means is that,  I eat, a lot, and gain more weight than normal people. It's like my stomach makes me think that I'm hungry but really I have had enough for one meal. It's terrible because if I know that I've had enough, my stomach makes me sick. I eat so I don't get sick. It's hard for me to loose weight. Trust me, I've tried." I said looking down and away from Justin's eyes. My heart was telling me to spill everything to him, but I knew I couldn't.

"What do you mean you tried? You are perfect just the way you are Shelby." Justin said, lightly tugging on my hands for me to look at him.

"Yes, I've tried. I ate like a regular person for a while, but I just got sick everyday. So I didn't eat, at all. I stopped buying food, and I just drank water. Kierstin nor my mom noticed or suspected anything. But when Kierstin came over on spring break last year, she noticed that I didn't have hardly any food. She had asked me how long I had gone without food. When I told her that I had gone about 2 months, she stayed with me to make sure I had my eating back in order." I told him looking straight in his eyes. He looked at me with sorrow and a comforting sparkle shined in his eyes.

"Is there anything your doctors could have done? Or can do?" He asked softly, trying not to sound pushy. I understood that, and I loved how he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable.

"I don't know much. I only know that since I was born with it, it's going to take a long time for me to heal and recover." I said looking down, a tear escaping my eye. "I understand if you want to send me home. When someone finds out, they are ashamed to hang out with me because all they see is a fat pig." I said, more tears escaping. I could hear the voices in my head starting to break through.

"Damn right he will send you home! You should have never told him! You are probably nothing but a fat peice of trash to him now!" It screamed at me, making more and more tears fall.

"Shhh, it's okay Shelly. I'm not gonna send you home. You mean too much for me to send you home. You are beautiful Shelby. You are perfect to me and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks." Justin said, trying to look at me. He took my face gently in this hands, making me looking at him. He wiped away my tears, and looked at me sincerely in the eyes. "Your beautiful and perfect just the way you are." He whispered, I could feel his warm and minty breath against my face. Our foreheads were against each other, as we just stared at each other in the eyes in complete silence.

"I love you, Shelby." He whispered, looking at me, waiting to see if I was going to pull away and reject. But I knew, that I loved him back. But not in just some fangirl way. I truly loved this man in front of me.

 "I love you too, Justin." I whispered back. He smiled at me, causing a small smile to creep on my face. Justin pulled our lips together. And I knew that this was right. And by how much love and passion Justin put into the kiss, I knew, he knew that I truly did love him. I don't know what I would do without him. He is everything to me, and I'm not gonna let anything or anyone get in the way of that.