Why Love When Its Hopeless?

Chapter 14.

~Shelby's POV~

I took a deep breathe, I haven't talked about this story in a long time.

"It's okay, Shelby." Justin said scooting closer, putting a hand on mine. A shock wave went through my body, causing a zoo to form in my stomach. I wonder if he felt it too. I doubt it. "You can tell me." He finished. I looked at him, he had a look of curiosity and comfort.

I smiled, at him, knowing he is there for me. He sent a warming smile back.

"Ok. Well, uhm I haven't told anyone this in a long while." I cleared my throat. I can't believe it's still hard to get out. The only people that know what truly happened is my mom, sister, and Eddie's brother (Jacob), which scares me considering he never liked me.

"So about a year and half ago, I started dating my friend, Eddie. We got super close, I could damn near tell him anything. About 7 months of us dating, I had caught him cheating on me when I went out with my sister, before she went to college. I was devastated and heart broken. I broke up with him that night and did my best to avoid him. Then the next 3 months he would call, text, email, mail, and even come to my house. I didn't want to date him again, because I had found out that he was dating her for about a year before we even started to date. I didn't trust him, or his brother, who is super protective of him. So after the 3 months of denying him..." I felt a tear slip from my eye and down my cheek. I felt Justin wipe it off gently.

I looked up at him, for the first time since I started telling the story, and I hadn't realized how close he had gotten. His leg was barley touching my knee. I cleared my throat and moved a piece of hair behind my ear.

"He had sent me letter, and I still have it." I said, looking down and over to my desk. I got up and walked over to my desk. I opened the last drawer, and pulled out the envelope. It had his neat handwriting on it, addressed to me. I sat back down on the bed. I hadn't touched the letter in a long, long while. I never thought I would.

"This letter. He sent me this letter, and went home, and...killed himself." I said sobbing a little at the very end. I covered my mouth with my hand. I was shaking, like I had after I had read it for the first time.

I opened the letter. I felt Justin wrap his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him. I didn't want to look up at him, I didn't want to see his reaction. I straighten it out so I could read it out loud.

"Dear Shel,

I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I didn't want to hurt Mckenna, by breaking up with her and going to you afterward. I feel terrible. I wish I could take everything back. But I know it's too late. I'm sorry again. I never meant to hurt you or anyone. I truly love you and always will. I have never stopped loving you. I always had a crush on you ever since I first laid my eyes on you. I never told you this because I was too afraid. I'm sorry for being so selfish for so long. But this letter is for you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone else, so I just wanted to let you know that, I'm ending everything. By everything I mean everything. I'm going to kill myself. I don't want anyone else to get hurt from my decisions, I couldn't handle feeling guilty for hurting you. I'm so sorry Shel. I love you forever.

Good-Bye Forever

- Eddie"

I was finished reading through the letter, and it felt strange to have someone there to hug me, rub my back, and wipe away the tears. I had stopped sobbing, and just sat there with the letter in my hands.

"And to really answer your question, when you called me Shel, it brought me back to Eddie. He was the only one that has ever called me that." I said looking at him. "It's fine though, because you didn't know." I said.

Several minutes of silence filled my room, the only light in the room was coming from my lamp on my desk. Thoughts were roaming around in my head. One thought screamed the loudest.

"Its all your fault", the voice in my head kept yelling.

"It's all my fault." I said plainly, looking ahead of me.

"What?" Justin asked, looking at me.

"It's all my fault that Eddie killed himself." I said looking at Justin with tears filling up my eyes again, making my vision blurry. I looked down at the floor, blinking several times. The tears left quickly down my cheeks and onto the hardwood floor.

"Shelby, it's not your fault. You didn't know he was ever thinking about it, let alone really doing it. You didn't know. Don't blame yourself for something you were not capable of stopping." Justin said getting off the bed, and crouching down to look me in the eyes.

I closed my eyes to keep away from his beautiful hazel brown orbs.

"Shelby." Justin whispered, sounding really close. I felt his hand gently on my cheek, his thumb gently caressing my cheek in a comforting manner. "Look at me, please." He whispered, I could feel his cool, minty breath on my skin.

I slowly opened my eyes, blinking several times to clear my vision since Justin was so close to my face.

"Please don't blame yourself for that. You didn't know. There was no way you could have known he was planning this before than letter. Please stop crying." Justin begged wiping away a tear that left my eye late. I smiled a shy smile.

"Okay." I whispered.

"Good." Justin said kissing my forehead. I giggled, as he stepped up and flipped the light switch, turning on the overhead light.

"What are you doing?" I asked taking my sleeve and wiping my cheeks.

"Looking at your stuff." Justin said plainly walking over to my dresser.

"Have fun. I am a pretty boring person." I laughed, taking the letter and putting it back in the envelope. I stood up and walked to my desk, placing the letter back into the drawer, shutting it afterward. I leaned back up, when I noticed Justin was really quiet.

"Shelby?" He asked, holding something in his hands. I couldn't tell what it was considering his back was towards me.

"Yeah?" I said, looking at him back. He turned around holding my shirt that was covered with the blood stains. My breathing hitched. My whole body froze in place as my eyes never left my shirt.

"W-What's this?"