Why Love When Its Hopeless?

Chapter 13.

A/N; This chapter is a bit much. NOT FOR THE THOSE WHO ARE TOO SENSITIVE TO THIS MATERIAL 

~Shelby's POV~

I can't believe Justin asked me if I wanted to go on tour with him! I am finally gonna be out of the house longer for 2 hours. I had the next couple weeks off from work, and I had called the hospital. They said it was fine for me not to help out for a while since I was there everyday.

I looked at the clock and it was a quarter till 11. It was getting pretty late and yet Justin was still here. I thought he had to leave? I don't want him getting in trouble with Scooter.

"Hey Justin, it's getting pretty late. I thought you had to leave?" I asked with a little sadness in my voice, I'm pretty sure he noticed. I don't want to guilt him, or anything. Yet I really don't want him to leave.  I looked at Justin as he looked at me.

"Well, I was kinda hoping that I could say here. You seemed really upset when your family left, and I would feel guilty, if I just left. I'd be dumb to leave you like that." Justin said looking at me blushing a little.

"You are welcome to stay!" I said excitedly. Justin chuckled at my enthusiasm. I giggled, and stood up. "Would like anything to drink?" I asked as I got a water bottle for me.

"Umm sure" Justin said standing up as well. I grabbed him a water bottle.

"Here. Catch!" I said throwing the bottle at him. He swiftly caught it with one hand smiling at his accomplishment. "Haha, nice catch." I said, taking a sip of my water.

"Nice throw." He said back taking a drink of his.

"So what do you want to do?" I asked as we both walked into the living room.

"I don't know. Are you tired?" He asked. walking up to me.

"Yeah kinda. You?" I said walking towards the steps a little.

"Yeah a little. Where do I sleep?" Justin asked as we both headed up the stairs.

"Umm I have a guest room, with a bed and bathroom you can use." I said walking down the hall up stairs. I got to the guest room, which is the 2nd door to the left. "Here it is." I said opening the door. The queen size bed was made, with white sheets, and pillows. There was a dresser, a make-up table with nothing in or on it, with a mirror. There was a door to the right , which lead to the bathroom. Justin stepped in, looking around.

"Thanks, it's nice." He said looking around and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"No problem, I'm just across the hall if you need me." I said, moving out from the door way and across the hall and into my Bieber filled room. I closed the door, and plopped on my bed. I sighed with a big smile on my face.

Best Birthday ever! I took my phone out of my pocket, and saw the tweet that Justin tweeted before I left the house. I opened it up fully and, it was about me of course. I retweeted and favorited the tweeted and went to my profile. I saw that Justin even followed me, and sent me a tweet. It read,

"Happy Birthday Shel! Had fun today! Thanks for everything!"

I giggled, and saw that he just tweeted it, I replied,

"Thanks Justin! I had fun too, and thank you for giving me the best b-day ever!" 

I tweeted it and received a whole bunch of followers, retweets, and favorites. I re-read the tweet, and couldn't help but smile. But when I really looked at it, my smile instantly faded. I just noticed the only flaw about the tweet.

Shel. I cringed at the nickname. I could hear Eddie's voice calling me by his nickname he gave me. Guilt rushed through me. Pain followed. I got up and moved around to get rid of the feeling, but I knew only one way to do that would be. I walked into my bathroom, making sure to shut the door behind me, and opened up my little purple case that was on the counter.

Inside was, my enemy, yet my best friend. My blades. I took a deep shaky breathe. This is the only way for get rid of the guilty, and painful feeling inside me. I had to. But Justin was just across the hall. But I had to. The voices in my head were arguing over control on my hand.

One voice is telling me to stop, and to put it down. It is telling me about who all wants me to stop. Justin wants me to stop. But the other voice in my head is telling to me to do it. Justin doesn't have to know. You could just cut a couple, and wear long sleeves for a while. Mom wouldn't know, Kierstin wouldn't know, they are too busy. Besides, Justin wouldn't know, yes, you would be on tour with him, but he would be busy with Selena, rehearsals, and the concerts. He wouldn't even think about it. So far the voice is winning...

Before the other voice could argue, I took the blade and slid it across my wrist. I felt relief wash over me. I love this feeling. I looked at my wrist and saw that blood was running off and into the sink. I didn't care right now. I took the blade and slid it on my wrist again. And again. And again. I had 4 cuts now. The feeling of relief was gone as I heard someone knocking on my door.

Shit! I quickly took a washcloth and drenched it with water. I slowly wiped away the blood that kept running down my tender wrist. I quickly wiped all the blood off of the sink. I took the wash cloth and threw it in the dirty towel bin. I looked at the sink and saw it was now a light shade of red. I quickly ran the water and watched as the left over blood run down the drain.

"Shelby? Can I come in?" Justin say. Shit! Shit! Shit!

"UH! Yeah, hold on!" I yelled so he could hear me. I opened up the cabinet, and took my gauze and quickly wrapped it around my raw wrist. I tied the gauze so it doesn't fall off. I took off my t-shirt and walked out of the bathroom, turning off the light while doing so. I threw my shirt in the corner since it did have some blood on it. I grabbed one of my sweaters and threw it on me. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hey." Justin said, looking at me with a shy smile.

"Hey." I said, out of breath, my heart racing from what just happened.

"Can I come in?" He asked, laughing a little.

"Uh yeah." I said opening the door more so he could walk in. He looked around my room and chuckled. I blushed, when he looked at me.

"Nice room." He said, chuckling as he took another glance around.

"Shut up." I said with a smile on my face. I sat on my bed, and brought my knees to my chest, hugging them, as I watched Justin sit down as well.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked looking into my eyes.

"Anything." I said waiting for him to continue. He took a deep breath looking down, then back up at me.

"What happened earlier, when you walked out of the living room. You look like you saw a ghost. Was it something I did? Or said?" Justin asked looking at me. I knew he was going to ask me this sooner or later. I took a deep breathe. This is gonna be a long story, but I trust Justin. I trust him with everything. I might as well tell him everything. I just hope he doesn't think it was my fault, like I do.