Save Her (Daniel Howell)

Chapter 12; Accidental Admiration

(P. O. V. Bailey)

A few days after then sleep over, I had another meeting with my therapist. Dan and Phil had been coming to almost every meeting, because they were my closest friends and Dr. Collens wanted to make sure I was adjusting properly. I brought my laptop back down to the living room, readying to show more of my journal. We had meetings 2 times a week, one focused of the past and the other on the precent time.

Dan was sitting on the sofa, eating a bag of Malteesers mom probably bought just for him, while mom was in the kitchen cleaning. She always cleaned when she was nervous. I smiled at her and Dan, then noticed the missing person from the room.

"Where is Phil?" I asked.

"He went to visit his family for a few days. He left for the station this morning." Dan said, I just nodded.

Then, there was a knock on the door, and I opened it to find a smiling Doctor Collens. We all gather in the living room, and I set up the computer. But before I click play, I look at Dr. Collens for the go.

"Actually Bailey, before we get started with the video journal, I wanted to address some of the writing you've been doing." Dr. Collens said.

I raised my eyebrow in confusion, but then I remember the poem Dan had read in my room one day, and it made me tense up. I worried about what she was going to think, say, or do reading my old writings, though I new she'd seen the worst of it with my video journal.

Surprisingly, Dan spoke before I could. "Actually, Dr. Collens, I wanted to mention this awhile ago. I had accidentally read a poem of Bailey's that I think explains a lot of what she's felt very well, and I would like her to show you. It may help." He said, giving me a soft smile.

I grunted silently, but went up to my room, and got the poem from my desk. I forced myself to hand it to Dr. Collens, as she smiled at me. She read the poem quickly, and then adjusted her glasses as she looked up at me.

"How old is this, Bailey?" She asked, because I hadn't written the date on the paper.

"I...I wrote it on the second year anniversary of my...of Amanda's death." I said, swallowing.

"I see. Well we will analyze this later, let's work in your recent videos." I nodded, and hit play. I heard myself begin to talk about meeting Louise, Zoe, Hazel, and Shawna.

"Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I said, going to the stairs.

Meanwhile..
P. O. V. Dan

"The girls keep asking about Dan, and how I feel about him. I mean, he is my best friend. So is Phil. But, I ended up admitting to them anyway, I don't think they'd have let me out of that party alive." Bailey said on the screen, laughing to herself.

I watched intensely. Interested in what the girls talked about, especially since I was the topic of interest. I worried what she was going to say. I liked Bailey, but I was fed her mental health to be stable before the stress of a relationship was put on her. Her becoming to dependent on me and Phil could be dangerous if we were to break up, which could set her back.

"I really like Dan, more then a friend. But I'd never be able to tell him, he'd probably just reject me, and then I'd be to embarrassed to face him. I'd hate to lose such a good friend that way, him and Phil are the only two people out side my parents that I have trusted in a very long time." Bailey said on screen.

Suddenly there was thumping, like some one was running down the stairs. Suddenly Bailey appeared, and rushed to the computer, shutting it hard and unplugging it from the tv. Her eyes were wide and filled with worry. She scanned the room, finally landing on me.

"H-how much of that did you see?"she asked. I sat there silent, not sure what to say, but knowing that she already knew the answer.

Her eyes brimmed with tears, and her breathing became shallow and sporadic. I stood up, out reaching my hand to her, but surprisingly, she backed away from me. She clutched her laptop to her chest, and put her head down. Her long hair swept in front of her face, so I couldn't tell if she was crying or not.

"I-I...I'm sorry." She whispered, and then darted back up the stairs.

I tried to grab her arm. To stop her from escaping so that I could tell her that it was ok. Not to be embarrassed. I liked her too. But she was to fast for me. Her soft hair quickly swept over my finger tips, and in a moment she was gone.

I headed to the stairs, but before I made it far, I felt a tug on my shirt. I turned to see Mrs. Bolt, smiling at me apologetically. "Perhaps this isn't the best time."

"I agree," Dr. Collins said standing. "Bailey needs time, she has to learn to deal with fits of emotions on her own without going into a spiral. She's embarrassed, and worried about your friendship. Just give her time, and we will keep an eye on her progress."

"B-but I-" Dr. Collins cut me off by raising her hand.

"Daniel, I know you care for her, but you can't allow her to depend on you. You know that." She said, and I gave in. I stepped off the stair I managed to get up, and sat on the sofa.

I knew she was right, it'd been the whole reason I hadn't told Bailey my feelings in the first place. But seeing her upset, knowing I could somehow make it better, killed me.