Save Her (Daniel Howell)

Chapter 15: Shattered Girl

P. O. V. Bailey

I woke up the next morning, and felt almost like a totally new version of myself. I got out of bed, checking that my clock read 11:30am. I smiled to myself, and then took a deep breathe.

You can do this, Bailey. Remember your doing this for mom. You made a promise.

I put on some fresh clothes, and brushed my teeth and hair. I made my way downstairs, my mother smiling brightly at me. Dad was home, school had been cancelled because of the weather being so fowl. He sat on the sofa grading papers, and drinking coffee- as usual. He looked a bit surprised to see me, but he couldn't smile any wider without breaking his face in half.

I was glad I could make them proud. I hoped I could make Amanda proud too. Mom walked over to the fridge and pulled out a foil covered plate. She removed the foil, reveling left over waffles my favorite.

"You were sleeping, so I saved you some waffles. Hungry?" she asked, and I nodded smiling.

She warmed the plate in the microwave and I took a seat at the breakfast bar. As I ate in silence, I thought about what I was going to say to Dan and Phil. I wanted to start off with an apology. As I put my plate in the sink, I felt my stomach twist into knots. Part of me wanted to run back upstairs, hide myself from the world.

But the other part...really missed Dan and Phil.

And I really wanted to keep my promise to mom.

After I rinsed my plate, I cleared my throat. "I am...gonna go downstairs and uh..."

"Talk to Dan?" mom finished for me, with a hopeful smile. I nodded, and slowly walked out the door. As it closed behind me, I took a deep breathe.

I walked down the stairs slowly, trying to shake away the nerves. I couldn't help but think about the worse case scenario. But I did my best to not let it get the better of me.

That's what started the whole situation...

When I reached the second floor, It wasn't long before I was standing in front of Dan and Phil's door. I stood there, hesitant to knock on the door, but knew I couldn't go back now...

With every ounce of courage I could muster up, I squeezed my eyes shut as I quickly knocked on the door. From the other side, I heard mumbled voices and footsteps.

Please be Phil, please be Phil...

Then the door swung open revealing Dan on the other side His light smile faded when he saw me, his eyes filling with anger and hurt.

"H-hey Dan." I said softly, my eyes trying to look anywhere but his face.

Dan crossed his arms. "Bailey, what are you doing here?"

I winced as he spoke my name. He sounded hurt and angry at me. His words coming out bitter and sharp. He had a right to be upset, I was the one at fault. But it didn't make his harshness hurt any less.

"I c-came to talk. I...uh-" I felt my palms begin to sweat, and I wiped them discreetly on my pants. My heart began to race as the panic set in.

No. No. No! He is so upset. Way to go Bailey...

You've ruined everything, Bailey.

You can't do anything right.

Dan raised his eyebrows at me, and I realized I needed to finish my sentence. I put my head down, my eyes fixing themselves on my shoes.

"-to apologize." I mumbled, trying to keep calm, but failing.

Dan scoffed, causing me to lift my head a little to watch him speak.

"Do you think this a game? Poor little Bailey is sad, lets all pay attention to her!" he said, between clenched teeth.

"W-what?" I muttered, though it was barley auditable.

"Seriously? You shut me out for two weeks and then out of the blue show up here to apologize? You can't just use us whenever you want for attention!" He said, his voice loud, harsh, and sharp. It felt like every syllable was cutting through me like a hot knife.

I felt tears well up in my eyes as Dan's words sunk in.

This can't be real...

"I-I'm sorry. I wasn't using you guys. I swear, I-I was just really embarrassed to f-face you." I said, trying to hold back tears.

Dan rubbed his face with his hands. He was flushed with anger, and I felt extremely guilty. All of this was because of me. I was just upsetting the two people I cared for, the only friends I have had in a long time. And I ruined it.

I ruined it because I was just to afraid to face them sooner.

This is all your fault.

Dan hates you now.

You can't do anything.

Dan racked his hands up through his hair. He looked like he was going to explode.

"If you can't handle facing me, then why even bother?" he said.

You should just kill yourself.

My eyes went wide, and the tears I was holding back began to spill over. My blood ran cold, and I froze. Dan's harsh words echoed through my mind, and I felt numb.

Upon realizing what he had just said, Dan's expression changed into shock, his eyes wide, and mouth hung open slightly. He slowly reached out and took a step towards me. As he moved forwards, I flinched, and took a step backwards.

"Bailey I-" Dan began.

But with my fight or flight reflex kicking in, I turned and bolted up the stairs. I heard Dan yell after me as I ran, but slowly my sight and hearing turned into tunnel vision. Everything felt as though it was caving in on itself.

My whole body felt numb, and the tears were streaming down my cheeks. I reached my apartment, busted through the door, not bothering to close it behind me. I knew my parents called out for me, but I just rushed up the stairs. I went into my room, and slammed the door, locking it in a rush.

I sat on the floor, leaning against my bed. As I sat there, my knees pulled to my chest, and I cried. Everything was numb, physically and mentally. The voices in my head screaming at me to give in, to just end my life.

Just do it, Bailey, you have nothing left.

...

You're right...

I stood up, and walked over to my closet. I pulled down a box from the top shelf, and set it on the floor. Before Amanda's accident, I was really into arts n' crafts, and interior design. When I got depressed, mom put all my tools into a box, hoping I'd want to get into it again.

Now it was being used in my suicide.

I dug though the box, finding the rope. As though my body was controlling itself, I stood up, standing on my bed, I tied the rope around the ceiling fan, creating a noose at the end.

Without second thought, I placed the noose around my neck. I closed my eyes, Dan's smiling face flashed though my minds eye.

"Goodbye..." I whispered, the voices screaming at me to die.

But as I was about to fall off my bed, I heard the lock on my door click, freezing me in place. I opened my eyes as the door swung open, and there stood a wide eyed and terrified looking Dan Howell.