The Darkest Of Days

Chapter 11 - Dan

A/N: Mild mentions of depressing emotions that possibly doesn't need a trigger warning but just to be sure,  I'm putting one in place. So Trigger Warning.

Dan got drunk again. It was the only way he was going to make it through the day. He kept circling the phone call through his head. He wanted to blame Phil. He wanted to blame him so bad, but he couldn’t. All of this was his own fault. He’s the one that left. He was hurting Phil so much.

He was downing another shot of vodka when he heard a knock. He stumbled to the door and opened it to find a familiar face. Chris.

‘Oh god,’ Dan thought, in a panic. ‘Chris can’t see me like this! Fucking hell I’m going to be in shit from him.’

“H-hey Chris. Whatssup?” Dan tried his best not to slur, but that was quickly tossed out the window.

“God, Dan. You’re looking miserable. Let’s get rid of the booze and then you’re going to talk to me about what’s going on” Chris said, leading Dan to his couch.

As Dan was laying on the couch, Chris cleaned up as best as he could. He got a glass of water and made Dan drink it, in an attempt to sober him up.

After several hours, Dan’s vision and speech cleared up and the headache set in. Chris sat down on the other end of the couch after he was done. And that’s also when Dan broke.

He sat there and sobbed while telling Chris what happened. “Chris, it’s all m-my fa-fault. I should never have left. I’ve regretted it since I stepped outside the door with my first round of boxes. Ph-Phil would never have me b-back. Not after this…” Dan trailed off.

There was a long silence and then an even quieter voice followed it. So quiet, Chris thought he misheard it. “I wish I was dead…”

Chris sat there in shock. “Dan…Dan please don’t think like that. Phil still cares about you. A friendship like yours doesn’t just evaporate away. I’ve always been envious of it. I’ve never seen another two people with as deep a bond as you two. It’ll work out. You just have to give it a chance.” Chris moved over to sit as close to Dan as he could and held onto him as if his life depended on it.

It was completely silent until the ringing of Dan’s phone cut through the air. Chris answered it for Dan.

“Hello? Oh. Hi there, how are you?”

Dan sat there impatiently as he listened to the one side of the conversation.

“Yeah, it was planned. That’s a good idea. I’ll let you talk to him, hang on. And hey, hang in there friend.”

Chris pulled the phone away from his ear and turned to Dan. “Dan, it’s Phil. He wants to talk to you. Are you up for it?”

Dan could only nod as he felt his throat close up. ‘Can I do this? I can’t do this?! Why did I say yes??’ He started to feel panic building up in his chest, but he pushed it down and took the phone from Chris.

“hi.” Dan said weakly into the mic.

“Hey, Dan.” Phil responded almost as silently. “I was thinking maybe, if you’re up for it of course, maybe getting together and filming a gaming video? It’s been a while and the fans have been asking.”

“Oh. Yeah sure. Maybe tomorrow?” Dan suggested.

“Ok. Sounds good to me.” Phil responded and Dan felt like he could cut the tension with a knife.

“Mmkay. I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah…I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye”

“bye” and with that, Dan shut the phone off and cried even harder than before.

About an hour later, being all cried out and just sitting in silence, Dan turned to Chris. “Can you stay the night? I…I don’t trust myself to be home alone…I…I can’t keep living…not like this…”