Calls From The Toilet [DISCONTINUED]

Dead Grandpa

*calling furball*

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Who is this?”

“Forgot me already, Furball?”

“Oh, it's you...”

“Who else did you think it would be?”

“My dead grandpa.”

“...”

“...”

“You're joking right?”

“I actually was completely serious.”

“But it doesn't make sense.”

“Because it makes dollars, Baby.”

“You like me?”

“Excuse you! My grandpa would kill you if it weren't for the fact that he's talking to me and being lazy.”

“Are you talking about your dead grandpa?”

“Who else would I be talking about? It's not like I hv an infinite amount of grandpas.”

“...”

“...”

“But it still doesn't make sense!”

“Oh but it does, son.”

“...”

“Sorry, my grandpa tends to haunt whoever is on the other line of my phone. Which isn't often, now you get to meet him as well!”

“I think I just peed myself.”

“Why's your voice shaking?”

“Because I'm scared...”

“There's no need to be. Grandpa is here, he makes everything better.”

“I do...son...why don't you tell me your address and I'll give you a cup of tea with three sugar?”

“Grandpa! Stop! Your scaring him with your undead voice...but really, do you want a cup of tea?”

“N-nah...I-I-I'm good.”

“This is exactly why I don't believe you're a bad boy. You're a big softie.”

“I can be bad if I want to.”

“You know if I were there I'd cuddle with you because you're like a teddy. You're so adorable. I really wanna pinch your cheeks.”

“...”

“Why'd you call me anyways?”

“Because I know you're going to call when I'm constipated so I chose to call you earlier so you won't call me later.”

“You know I still will, right?”

“No you won't.”

“You can't boss me around...”

“Yes I can.”

“How old are you?”

“Eighteen.”

“Darn it! I'm almost eighteen. A month more. Darn you old man!”

“Haha! So you won't call me, and I'm not an old man. I'm quite hot, just ask everyone.”

“I don't think I've ever told you that I never listen to my elders. And that includes you so...beat that sucker! And I don't even know you, so how am I supose to believe you?”

“You annoy me so much!”

“...”

*call ended*

“I'm older, I didn't say you can hang up now did I?”