Calls From The Toilet [DISCONTINUED]

Pink Sparkles and Everything Wrinkles

*calling evilbunny*

“Hello?”

“Ohmeguish!! You lovvvvvvveee me, that's why you called first!!”

“Nahh... I just wanted to ask, pink or black?”

“Purple.”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Pink or black?”

“Pink sparkles and everything boogerless.”

“What kind of colour is that?”

“It's a colour that won't have you in it.”

“Ya, ya. Whatever.”

“Wait...was that—did you just...is that—noooo. YOU JUST FARTED! Oh my gosh that was the cutest sound I have ever heard in my life! Do it again!!”

“What on earth is wrong with you?”

“There are many things. But you are at the top of my list.”

“Wow, I feel special.”

“That's because you are special, hasn't you parents ever told you that you are so special to them? Yeah!!?? Well that means you are mental, but it's alright. You never knew, so why start knowing now? Stay clueless you obnoxious queen bee! Just remember... The perfect colour is pink sparkles and everything wrinkles. But if it's for your mom, make sure you don't say the wrinkle part because she might de-balls you and then, you'd be genderless. But it's alright your mom loves you too much to throw them away, she'll just keep them in a jar on the top shelf of the kitchen so your dog won't eat it and you'll have no memories of your balls.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk to much?”

“Oh yes, quite a lot. But let's just say no so you have the honours of being the first.”

“I really don't know why I still answer your calls.”

“It's probably because you're scared of my grandparents or because I put you donw so much it bruises your ego so you call me back so you can try and bring me down with you.”

“You're messed up, has anyone ever told you that?”

“Ouch, that doesn't hurt at all. I have to go help someone get ready for her date now, so have fun being constipated!!”

“Wait...why is someone getting ready for their date at 11 at night?”

“Nahh, she just wants me to get her ready now so she can sleep standing up and be ready for her date at 9 in the morning. But let me tell you this, she is stupid as snail pee.”

“Are—do—where are you?”

“Awww, sweet orange baboon werewolf whatever whatever cares about me and wants to know about my whereabouts. WHY ON EARTH DO YOU WANT TO STALK ME, YOU SCARY PERVERTED FOURTY YEAR OLD MAN!!!”