Calls From The Toilet [DISCONTINUED]

No? Ok

*calling Baby*

“Hello?”

“What?”

“Who are you?”

“I'm his girlfriend. Why?”

“And I'm his godmother.”

“Really? He never told me that! Wait a second. I'm going to ask him...BABE, YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HAVE A FAIRYGODMOTHER!”

“Actually it's dogmother. I'm the dogmother to his green little booger.”

“Wait, how do you know his booger is green?”

“Because I pick him nose for him.”

“Wow, you must earn a lot from that!”

“I do, for every piece I take out, I earn a hundred. But I suggest you don't do it because it's really gross. It's all gooey and slimey.”

“Eww. Thanks for that. But why did you call?”

“Because he owes me three hundred bucks and he hasn't given it to me yet.”

“Well, that's too bad. I'll go ask if he wants to talk to you.”

“I'm waiting...”

“He said no, sorry. He's busy co—”

“Constipating, you mean?”

“How do you know?”

“Because I always seem to call him whenever he's constipating.”

“But really. He doesn't want to talk right now.”

“It's alright, but could you possibly walk over to the door and put me on speaker...and turn the volume all the way up so he can hear me?”

“Sure.”

“...”

“Got it. Speak away.”

“WHY DID YOU SAY NO, YOU GREEN PIECE OF BOOGER?! WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING YOUR STUPID SAMSUNG PHONE INTO THE WASHROOM. THE NEXT TIME I CALL GRANDPA WILL BE AT THE OTHER END WAITING FOR YOU! NOW, YOU PIECE OF DONKEY BUTT, FORCE THAT POOP EMOJI OUT OF YOUR BUTT AND CALL ME BACK...OR ELSE YOU'LL SEE GRANDPA UNDER YOUR BLANKET TOMORROW!!!”

“You did not sound like his fairy godmother.”

“It's fairy dogmother. And I'm actually not his dogmother.”

“Then who are you?”

“Human.”

“You're joking right?”

“You really want to know?”

“I'd love to, yes.”

“I'm his girlfriend.”

“WHA—”

*call ended*

“Mwahahahaha! I'm such an evil genius. Cue evil laughter again. Mwahahahaha!”