Calls From The Toilet [DISCONTINUED]

You Piece Of Earwax

*calling Furball*

“Hello.”

“Oh hey, Baby.”

“You know my girlfriend dumped me yesterday.”

“Really, I'm sooo sorry.”

“Does this have to do with you?”

“I don't think so, why?”

“Because she told me I was two-timing on her. And the last time I checked I didn't have another girlfriend.”

“...”

“So it was you!”

“I was joking, seems like she took me seriously.”

“She takes everything literally, didn't you notice?”

“Oh I know. I just thought she would take the last one as a joke.”

“Now I'm alone. Again...”

“You're the badboy. I'm negative positive that you will find another girl by tomorrow morning.”

“I told you already that I'm in between.”

“Well it's not my fault that you're a piece of earwax.”

“I am not sticky and smelly, and salty.”

“And how would you know?”

“I-I'm just g-guessing!!”

“No you're not. You've tasted it before, haven't you?”

“Hey, I was a little boy!”

“And I'm orange.”

“I was just ten!!”

“And that's little? Wow, then you must've been teenie when you were born, like a mustard seed.”

“Not like you haven't done it.”

“I haven't done that. But I've done ever worse stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Like walk in on my grandpa taking a shower.”

“Ohhh, wasn't that awkward.”

“Not really, unless you count the fact that he screamed and that made me scream and we stood there screaming at each other for like five minutes straight, with me being blinded by his oldness and him trying to cover himself up with soap.”

“Awww, poor you.”

“No, you mean, I'll pay you ten dollars.”

“And why would I do that?”

“Do you really want to see my grandpa tonight?”

“N-nah, I'll pass on that!”

“Scaredy-cat. I really don't understand why my grandpa is that scary. He's just dead.”

“He's undead, you mean.”

“No! He's just an old dead man walking the earth.”

“Same thing!”

“Oh, you really want to see grandpa right now. Ill send him over, please wait... GRANDPA! THIS PIECE OF DONKEY BUTT WHO TASTED EARWAX REALLY WANTS TO SEE YOU, GO PAY HIM A VISIT!”

“Sure, wait right there, son. I'll be right over.”

“No! No! It's fine, I'm not lonely. I have the company of-of-of the couch, and my teacup and the light...man so tiring with so much company.”

“Do you think Grandpa is that stupid?”

“No...”

“Good! Because he wasn't coming over any—”

“Thank goodness.”

“Ways because he doesn't want to waste his breathe and time on seeing an big orange Baboon.”

“Hey! I'm awesome, everyone wants to spend time with me, including you.”

“You know I only call you because you're usually constipated and it's music to my ears. Literally.”

“I really don't believe you, you're just making excuses so you can talk to me longer.”

“I'm serious, if you aren't constipated, I'd end the call. And again, your constipation is music to my ears and brings me great joy.”

“I'm glad it brings you joy.”

“Why aren't you constipated this time anyways?”

“Because I'm lying on my bed. I plan on going after I end the call.”

“...”

*call ended*

“She wasn't joking was she.”