The Demons Inside. [ZM AU]

Ch: 13 || Desirables.

((If any grammar mistakes I'm sorry because I've just a booster injection and my arm is killing me lololol))

"Let's go out. I don't see why you should be all cooped up in my ugly home. C'mon, let's go explore London!" Nathan's encouraging and happy tone wasn't needed. He and I both knew that there was no use in trying to be positive in a time like this. All I really needed was to grieve about Zayn. He's gone and has been gone for a few hours with his new-and old, girl. I guess they both would have to date now, it would only be best for their child wouldn't it?

Their child.

It should be Zayn's and I's child. Life is so messed up-what did I do to deserve this pain?

"Okay." I breathed out, and Nathan was almost as shocked as I was by my words. Did I want to go out? London has nothing but bad memories for me-do I really want to go back and witness them all again?

"Are you sure? It was just a silly suggestion. I don't like seeing you so sad, Soph. I wish I could take the pain away from you-I really wish I could." Nathan ran a hand through his soft brown hair, causing it to spike up into a quiff. He had stopping trying to quiff it now and kept it in it's original flat fringe state. I prefer it like that if I'm honest. He looks more innocent.

"Yeah-yeah. It would be good to get some air. You're right, I've been doing nothing but be trapped here. I need some air to think and it'll help me clear my head too. Let's go out. We can pretend to be tourists or something." my optimistic attitude was nothing but fake and Nathan knew it, but he knew better then to try and call me out. I was too exhausted to argue anymore.

I would just go anywhere the wind would take me.

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"The London Eye! Wow. The last time I saw that, I was fourteen. My mother used to love to take me out and see all these sites. It would help my imagination and inspire me to write new poems and stories. She loved reading my new ideas." I smiled remembering one good memory from y past and Nathan smiled with me.

"Last time I saw the London Eye, I was seventeen and I had just got rejected from the university of my dreams-I was so crushed. I didn't know if I wanted to carry on with my life." we continued to hold each other's hands in support that we both deeply needed right now.

As we sat and watched the world go by on a random park bench, we looked like one of those couples that have been together forever and are inseparable. But that's not really the case, is it? We're both madly in love with two other people who we can't be with.

"What happened then?"

"Well. I met Tom. Tom encouraged me that I had a life worth living and that I was actually wanted in this world-I was wanted in this gang, Zayn's gang. I couldn't really refuse because Tom was very persuasive and he wouldn't back down without a fight. It was a fight that I was too exhausted to start."

"I feel like that right now. I'm just so tired of the constant and endless cycle that Zayn and I have to go through. We end up fighting over small things and it turns into this massive issue. We both are stubborn but we both are so selfish, and we need the other so much more then we deserve. We take the other for granted and when we're far away from each other, we realise how much it hurts to be apart." I paused before I finally admitted the next sentence.
"It's time like this that I regret meeting Zayn. I regret moving from London, and moving to Bradford. That sounds terrible, doesn't it?"

Nathan shook his head firmly and squeezed my hand lightly for reassurance, "No. No it doesn't, love. I don't blame you at all. I don't know how much it hurts so can't really say I can relate but the thing is, I feel sort of the same with Nikki-"