The Demons Inside. [ZM AU]

Ch: 37 || Discoveries.

[Nikki] 

London. Nathan says he's in London. Well me giving him a friendly visit wouldn't harm anyone; and besides - I wouldn't mind seeing Sophia again. We could catch up, even though she seems to have hated my guts the last time we were together. That time at the incident. Niall's death. 

I think I was the one to be mostly affected by that male. Don't you think so too? I mean I was in the middle of both him and Nathan. I was on both good and bad side. Okay? It's hard to explain but I know I'm the one people should feel sympathy for. 

I had scribbled a quick note to Patricia to say where I was heading to, texted Harry for the 30th time now- still no reply, before I left the house. With a sigh, I made my way to the train station and here I am now on my way to meet my ex lover. One that I may or may not have feelings for anymore. I guess if I see him and feel something, I will know. If not, then I don't. 

Simple logic.

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"What the hell do you-"

 "-Jay?" I raised an eyebrow at the tall lanky male that desperately needed a haircut and shave. His blue eyes looked like they had once held tears. He seemed to be alone, it was ironic to see him here on the crowded streets of London; a city I actually have never been to before. I was basically now tourist in this city. 

"Nikki. Why- how did you get here?" Jay didn't seem pleased to see me. He doesn't seem to like me- none of Nathan's friends honestly do. I can't understand why. What did I do wrong to them? 

Other then cause their leader and them to have to approach their one and only enemy because of my big mouth. But no one remembers that time though, right, right? 

"Train of course. I'm looking for Nathan. Do you know where he is?" I question him; of course he knows where he is. It's obvious that he knows, it's was also obvious he wouldn't allow me to see Nathan. He's too protective over him. That's a fact. 

"I know where he is, telling you- I can do, but I won't do. You've caused him enough pain don't you think Nikki? I swear you're with Harry now - you are can't have everyone. I hope you realise that." Jay says to me coldly, not caring that my emotions are fragile as I am not as strong as Sophia. I do want to be loved and I don't like to be hated at all. Jay's words remind me of Tom, it is like Tom is speaking to me. Strange; very strange. 

"I. I know you don't like me Jay, but I'm not like how you think I am. I do care about Nathan and I always will. I didn't chose to break his heart - after all, he did the same to me. He was the one that pushed me away, he was the one being cold to me before the incident. I thought he was going to do what Niall and Harry did to me; show me love then break me. Harry was the only one there for me when you all acted like cowards and ran away. We had to go to prison for that, for all of your dirty work. Thanks a lot. Besides that, Nathan and I have been talking and I have told him how much I do miss him. I know he still feels the way he does about me. I just want to talk to him in person one last time. Maybe we could do a formal good bye. I don't know. It sounds better in my head." I ramble on as if my words make sense but they don't. I know they don't, by the way Jay is frowning at me- shooting me a dirty look, I know it does sound better in my head. It made sense to me whilst thinking about what I would say when I met Nathan while I was on the train from Bradford. Now being here- reality hit me hard.