Far From Your Thoughts (To Be Edited)

Chapter 1

An eerier silent swooped over, nothing seemed to make sense, people in white kept shouting trying to get my attention but I couldn't make a word out of it.I felt like biting something or someone but not even one hand was close enough so I settled for my blouse.if I could transfer my pain to someone else I would've done it without thinking.If only I knew.. if only I listened.. if only I stayed home that  night like my parents told me to.

'You learn from your mistakes, Experience is the best teacher.YOLO' those were the words that leaded me here.Now look where I am now at 17? All my friends abandoned me and my family kicked me out,my only brother don't want to see me and my high school boyfriend Tom.. well he wasn't my boyfriend anymore,to even think I was here because of him.At Fitchilea High School they had expelled me as soon as the news of my pregnancy got public.

 'I don't have a whore as a daughter,I don't want to see you and your bastard here' those were my father's last words when he kicked me out.As for my mother,well they say if you stay with someone for too long they end up changing you or you change them,she was just as cold hearted as my father,he changed her.They didn't even try to listen to my side of the story.Word on the street says I was never wanted from day one, I was a mistake that's why I stayed with my grandparents till they died but I refused to believe rumors.They were my blood

"8 centimeters baby,it will be over soon dear" one of the nurses said

"Please make it stop I can't do this,its too painful!" I shouted removing all my clothes

"You can dear,now get on the bed for me so we can make it quick" I did as I was told though it was harder than I thought, who knew getting on the bed would be like climbing Mount Everest?but I did it anyway "Good now I need you to push alright?it will be over soon.Nurse Silvia a little help here please!" Nurse Silvia came but she wasn't too happy about it.The woman didn't appreciate being disturbed from her sleep, if looks could kill. Everything was forgotten when then baby kicked hard and I started screaming like a little girl that I was.

 "Shut up!!! you're the one who opened your legs while you're too young so shut the fuck up and push that thing out" nurse Silvia snapped at me and I started crying more. "Silvia you can go now thank you,I will get another nurse" the nice nurse whose name I never got said. I pushed and pushed and my baby couldn't come out.Two hours gone but there was still nothing,they were now preparing me for operation.Scissors and needles were never my thing so I begged them to let me push one more time.

"Okay Charlotte lets push one more time baby girl,I can see the head of your baby. Push so we won't kill that baby,it seems to be a strong one so give me all you got" she said while the other male nurse was massaging my upper stomach 

"Mama!!!" I screamed while doing my final push and I heard a baby crying in the labor room and I realized that the pain was now gone,they cut the cord,showed me my baby,cleaned me and I passed out.

When I woke up I was already in another room and I saw my little Jamie sleeping besides me.She was so beautiful I couldn't believe it.I didn't know what to do with her since I didn't have anywhere else to go but this hospital. 'I really have to keep her'  I thought to myself as I was preparing to breastfeed my baby. I'm seventeen, jobless and I was about to write my March exams(First term exams) when I got pregnant so I don't have any qualifications.My classmates were writing their final exams while I was in labor.I decided to keep her.'God where are you now that I need you?'

Jamie sucked on my breast and it was so painful but I ignored the pain and I continued giving her because I knew she was hungry.The nurse came with all my papers prepared and told me that I was discharged.I waited until she was full, gathered my things and got ready to leave.

Where to now?I had nobody in the city of Richards Bay,maybe if it was Kwekwe,my home town where we left soon after my grandparents passed on. No one who knew me wanted anything to do with me,even those men of God I thought were going to help me. I walked out of the hospital,seventeen,homeless, jobless,tears flowing down my cheeks and a baby in my hands.I contained myself,wiped the tears off my face and tried to think but nothing came out of it.Deciding to do what I had to do I stopped a cab then remembered I only had R500 left in my account so I apologized to the driver and walked my unending journey.